How Idiots Pull Down Palm Trees: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
Some Idiot Gets Exactly What He Deserves
I’m not trying to make a joke when I say that I love stupid people. They’re way more likeable than smart people, plus they’re always asking really simple questions that I know the answers to. I’m no rocket scientist myself, but if you’re going to hang out with me, I humbly ask that you be A) moderately attractive, and B) dumb as rocks. It’s a mutually beneficial relationship: I get to feel good about myself for helping you out, and you get to find out what burritos are. It works out for everyone.
That being said, I’m pretty sure I’d get along great with this guy. And you know what? It’d be for the best. He’d say, “Hey Ross - I think I’m gonna pull that palm tree down with my truck,” and I’d say, “Which one? The huge one in your yard?” and he’d say, “Yeah, that one.” Then I’d say, “How?” and he’d say, “With a cable,” and I’d say, “Oh. Yeah, that sounds like a good way to do it,” because I don’t really know anything about pulling down giant palm trees. Then I’d say, “Whoa, dude - are you okay?” and he’d say, “Yeah… why didn’t you tell me not to do that?” and I’d say, “Sorry, dude. I don’t know anything about pulling down giant palm trees.”
We’d probably be pretty hungry by then, so I’d say, “Let’s go get some burritos,” and he’d say “What’s a burrito? I’ve never even heard of those before.” I’d say, “Get in the car - I’ll explain on the way,” but we’d have to take my car because his would be all smashed in.
And a good time would be had by all.
March 4th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
tyte nooner.
March 4th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Goddamn it, Ross. Here I am, sitting in class, watching a palm tree being pulled down onto a pickup truck, and I’m ducking behind my laptop screen trying to hide my laughter. The professor saw, kicked me out of school, and then punched my dead dog for good measure. Goddamn it.
March 4th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
This is one of my all-time favorite nooners.
March 4th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
I like how no one actually rushed to the truck to see if he was okay. It’s like they really didn’t care abou thim at all. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if they arranged the whole thing. Duping their idiot friend into yanking down a tree with a cable that’s a little on the short side. I think if you listen carefully, you’ll hear someone cursing that the driver isn’t dead.
Excellent choice of nooner, RoWo.
March 4th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Ross, you have brightened my otherwise bleak and horrifying day.
Next up: the same thing, only with a Ferrari!
March 4th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Whats with calling Cracked Blogs this contraction of their names bullshit, MiSwa, RoWo,
If you’re too lazy to type Swaim or Wolinsky you dont deserve to live.
March 4th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Somebody give that man a burrito.
March 4th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
His hat…expensive?
March 4th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
I would say that was Hannah Montana’s doing, but it was to hilarious for that to be it.
March 4th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
I’m with you kingmonkey+1…it doesn’t seem as though anyone is interested in his well being.
That seemed like a fairly serviceable palm tree as well…perhaps the gods punish him for the unnecessary upheaval of a decent tree?
March 4th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
GMan… it’s called a running joke; it originated several blog entries ago, and you may have missed it. It may not be particularily funny, but not deserving to live? That seems a bit harsh, doesn’t it? I’d hate to be a child in your household.
Son: Dad, look at the funny car I drew!
GMan: That’s not a car, it’s just a frame on wheels. You don’t deserve to live. Time to go to the murder room, son.
March 4th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
You got a problem with late abortions Kingmonkey?
March 4th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
I tell you what, that wasn’t just one stupid guy, that was at least four or five stupid fuckers.
You would think at least one of those dumbasses would have said ” Hey, I think that cable is to short” but nooooo, it would have been burritos for all there Ross.
That was not the only stupid thing going on in that video. The fucker driving was driving the truck straight into the fence. So even if his cable had been long enough, we would have still got to see wonderful video of the dumbass driving right through the fence.
Thank God that video was from the South, South Afrika that is. Otherwise I would have to listen to all those The South is stupid remarks. I suspect large amount of alcohol were involved in the making of that video.
March 4th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Wellby, if I’m the one being aborted, yes… yes, I do. If it’s a jackass who thinks driving into a fance, while toppling a palm tree onto himself is a good idea… not so much.
March 4th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
“I like how no one actually rushed to the truck to see if he was okay. It’s like they really didn’t care abou thim at all. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if they arranged the whole thing”
I think they just didn’t want to be associated with such monumental stupidity. Like setting something on fire and walking away whilst looking around to make sure no one saw you.
March 4th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
I’m actually surprised I didn’t hear people burst into uncontrollable laughter after witnessing such a colossal fuck up. It didn’t occur to ONE of those idiots that the line might be a little short? Clearly the gene pool is in need of a good cleaning.
March 4th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
I’m surprised there wasn’t more scattering… of the attending assholes.
March 5th, 2008 at 1:47 am
I feel sorry for that truck and the tree. They each caused one another’s demise. Somehow I think this is foreshadowing how the congregate of idiots will do to each other when the beer runs out.
March 5th, 2008 at 2:31 am
You know what’s more funny that someone pulling down a palm tree and ending up crushing his car ? Answer : Cracked commenters thinking he didn’t do it on purpose.
The guy just wanted to kill two birds with one stone, he had a palm tree he wanted to remove and an old pickup he wanted to compress, obviously. What he DID failed though was that he wanted to take down his fence at the same time. Also maybe he wanted to kill himself and apparently that failed too, proving that multitasking was not always the best option when considering suicide. So the real question about the video is : why would you want to remove some palm tree, crush your car and take down a fence if anyway you won’t be living to enjoy your new garden ?
March 5th, 2008 at 3:02 am
Great theory there Steph, but you are forgetting one thing, the inherent stupidity of humanity.
March 5th, 2008 at 4:05 am
That is very Rube Goldberg, Steph. Too bad there wasn’t a ball bearing to set it off.
March 5th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
The driver is okay. You can see him get out of the right side of the truck at about 1:18. Otherwise, this is a candidate for the Darwin Awards.
March 5th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Oh, that was just what I needed to see. Idiots are the perfect source of cheap entertainment.
March 5th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Yeah, unlike the other Ross stupid people just piss me off.
See, when I see a stupid person falling down a manhole cover or walking into a wall I laugh in a malicious ‘that’s what you fucking get’ kind of way.
March 5th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
You know after seeing the tree down on the truck and the front of the truck against the fence, you just have to wonder… how was this “supposed” to go down?
March 5th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Amazing! Somebody give those guys some explosives.
March 5th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
The real zinger in this is that the tree is worth, at a minimum, several hundred dollars, quite possibly up to $2k or more to a tree mover. It’s a Canary Island Date Palm, much desired in the landscape trade and easy to move. A tree mover would have done it right, and paid them more than the truck was worth.
March 5th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Americans are so stupid.
March 6th, 2008 at 12:00 am
Don’t know if anyone noticed (or understood, since the camera man is an afrikaaner), but the camera man called it. “waar sal jy spring as die boom oor kom” = “where are you gonna jump to if that tree falls on you”. Thats a loose translation but it carries the intention. That the camera man called it made me laugh the most.
March 6th, 2008 at 5:28 am
video = ded
March 6th, 2008 at 9:09 am
I’m from South Africa and have always thought that only Americans can be this stupid. How wrong I was. I’m shamed by my counrtymen.
March 6th, 2008 at 9:59 am
This is almost without a doubt from somewhere in the north of South Africa. In our country, what you have in the south, we have in the north. It might have something to do with the different hemisphere.
March 6th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Well written! Bloody brilliant, I’ve ever thought about mormons like that before… tee hee
March 6th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Mormons?
March 6th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
If only more Yankees were like this one then we would have had our freedom long ago.
March 6th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
For those who worried about the driver of the truck’s welfare, note that he sat on the right side of the truck which is the driving seat in vehicles in those countries where one drives on the left. The palm tree hit the passenger seat side, which is why the driver was not hurt and why he was able to open the door to get out, which he instantly did. He walked along the palm tree and around its roots, and back to the front of the truck to see the damage - this is right at the end of the video. The river is the fellow who wears a hat.
March 6th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Hahahahahahaha! Great video!
And yes, we Americans ARE dumbasses—-only, here’s the thing: we actually MAKE trucks and send them to crappy little armpits that can’t do it themselves, while inventing everything else in the world that’s worth a shit (you’re using one now—why, you’re very welcome!) while dumping tankerloads of extra money and resources into the hands of losers the world over who can’t figure out how to dig a well, or grow food, or maybe move to someplace that isn’t a shithole filled with sand, snakes, jungles or a combination of all three. Instead of spending the money on ourselves, like all the rest of you self absorbed whiny second class excuses for selfrule.
You’re right: we are dumbasses. Waste of f—-ing cash.
March 7th, 2008 at 8:23 am
‘# orangemtl Says:
March 6th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Hahahahahahaha! Great video!
And yes, we Americans ARE dumbasses—-only, here’s the thing: we actually MAKE trucks and send them to crappy little armpits that can’t do it themselves, while inventing everything else in the world that’s worth a shit (you’re using one now—why, you’re very welcome!) while dumping tankerloads of extra money and resources into the hands of losers the world over who can’t figure out how to dig a well, or grow food, or maybe move to someplace that isn’t a shithole filled with sand, snakes, jungles or a combination of all three. Instead of spending the money on ourselves, like all the rest of you self absorbed whiny second class excuses for selfrule.
You’re right: we are dumbasses. Waste of f—-ing cash.’
So many innaccuracies, not enough time.
March 8th, 2008 at 1:53 am
orangemtl - I’m ashamed to be from the same country as you.
March 8th, 2008 at 5:35 am
I imagine in his head he heard people cheering, maybe he was standing in front of a flag. Who knows?
I guess we know who Dennis Leary bases his songs on.
March 10th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Hey Commander Ross, it’s that sort of attitude that characterises Americans as dumbasses. This almighty only race on the planet worth a damn sentiment. I mean, your obviously so caught up in this crazy patriotic fervour that you failed to use your brain and realise that these particular dumbasses are not American… Moron.
As for the truck comment, you think anyone in the world apart from an American would want an American truck? Your sadly mistaken. Your car industry is a joke, there simply to satiate your desires for stupidly heavy and large, poor performing, inefficient, ugly, badly built but AMERICAN vehicles. Japanese vehicles clearly have the lead in terms of technology and build quality which is why.. they are outselling your domestic vehicles, I guess some Americans are not so dumb. Europeans vehicles lead in ride rifinement and interior build quality but hey, I guess you can live with leaf springs on your sports cars, it’s not like you have to turn corners or anything. Your car interiors suck too!
As for the aid crap, I’m guessing you just don’t know anything about the issue in hand.
http://www.globalissues.org/TradeRelated/Debt/USAid.asp
Check that out is you would like to see some real figures, oh and don’t worry, the data is US based.
Just one more moron being brainwashed in a fascist state.
March 10th, 2008 at 11:43 am
Hey I am sorry, that was aimed at orangemtl.
March 10th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Thank you for realising that mistake.
March 10th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
I’m glad I stopped to read your follow-up comment, Pablo. I was going to laugh, because Cmdr. Ross is a Scotchman.
Also, some people don’t like Americans, but me… I live next door to them. Still, even if you don’t like their cars, foreign policy, health care, popular entertainment… wait, where was I going with this? Oh yeah, at least they produce memorable internet articles.
Cracked, America’s only internet site since ever!
March 11th, 2008 at 12:26 am
Hey Ross, what’s a burrito?
March 14th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Hey, uh, orangemtl - I love my country as much as any other I think… but all that anit-american shit we get to deal with? You’re not really helping all that much by complaining about it, and putting up idealistic views of what our country does.
You know, besides blunder military incursions for transparent profit gains.
I mean, every country has it’s problems and sure, I guess we get singled out a fair amount - but that sarcasm doesn’t really help our case man.
March 15th, 2008 at 12:24 am
Is there a difference between the soft taco and the burritto?? Because the only one I see is that the Soft taco has a horrid design flaw of trying to be a taco…but limp and pale. The contents of the soft taco fall out as easily as I fell out of ron jeremy’s girlfriends ear hole!! It is much more efficient to wrap the end and transmorph it into a burritto.
I just…dont know anymore
March 15th, 2008 at 12:25 am
>.<
May 16th, 2008 at 2:05 am
Haha. These are Afrikaans people from South Africa… Some would say that their actions are a fairly accurate representation of the truth :).