The Best Moments When Homer Was a World-Class Athlete on ‘The Simpsons’
Mr. Burns wouldn’t have spent all that money on ringers for the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant softball team if he knew about the athletic excellence that was warming seats down in Sector 7-G.
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If you gave the average Simpsons fan three words to describe Homer, they wouldn’t need the last two to touch on his physique. Though Homer’s resting weight is, thankfully, below muumuu level, he does not exactly have a body that most people would immediately identify as a powerhouse of strength, stamina and agility. However, over the last 35 seasons, Homer has demonstrated time and time again that the laws of physics and the limits of human athleticism are just guidelines that he understands and respects to the same degree as nuclear power plant safety regulations.
Here are the top times Homer proved himself to be a better athlete than your measly Darryl Strawberrys or Don Mattinglys with their dumb sideburns, starting with…
Homer the Prize Fighter
This one’s a bit of a gimme, but, in “The Homer They Fall,” Homer did prove himself to be a word-class competitor simply by stepping into the ring with the fearsome Drederick Tatum, heavyweight champion of the world and parody of Mike Tyson that’s only slightly less scary than the real fighter. The rope-a-dope is one of the oldest techniques in boxing, and, with his ability to absorb all but the most deadly of punches with ease, Homer proved himself to be a master.
Also, since Moe technically didn’t throw in the towel in the literal sense when Homer was airlifted out of the ring, can we really say for sure that he lost the match? Judging by some of the later entries on this list, Tatum may have been lucky that Homer was holding back.
Homer the Catfish-Catcher
The largest fish ever caught in a professional competition was a 2,664-pound great white shark by Alfred Dean in 1959, but I’m willing to bet that he didn’t have to wrestle the beast out of the water with his bare hands and punch it into submission. In “The War of the Simpsons,” Homer ignored his husbandly duties to go out and snag a legendary 500-pound catfish using nothing but a measly little rowboat and a single rod. But the deciding factor in his duel with General Sherman was his sheer brawn.
On top of that, Homer's line of “I love you but I must kill you” is just as poignant and iconic as anything that stuffy old Ernest Hemingway ever wrote — maybe Homer the world-class poet will be the next list.
Homer the Ninja Snake-Whacker
Maybe the strategy Homer teaches Lisa of squeezing your rage into a bitter little ball and releasing it at an appropriate time is the secret behind more than just Homer’s ability to hit a referee with a whiskey bottle — maybe it’s the reason he’s able to backflip across his entire yard and no-scope a snake dummy in “Whacking Day,” too.
Jumping that high in the air and that far backwards from a standstill would be an impressive (if not impossible) feat for any man, let alone one whose poundage clocks in in the high-200s, but the deadly quickness and accuracy with which he whacks those snakes makes this an athletic marvel.
Homer the Motorcycle Sword-Fighter
In “Take My Wife, Sleaze,” John Goodman’s Meathook proves himself to be the only man in the Simpsons universe who can match Homer’s super-human strength by dramatically dueling Homer in a Princess Bride-esque sword fight using Harley Davidson motorcycles as their blades. The lightest Harleys on the market still weigh in around 450 pounds, so for Homer to effortlessly swish the hog like it’s Westley’s rapier is incredible — and his Buttercup ain’t no slouch either.
Marge tossed that chopper around like it was nothing.
