It’s not often viewers get hot and bothered watching Kenan Thompson clown around on Saturday Night Live, although his Diner Lobster is pretty seductive. But once in a while, the venerable sketch show will surprise you with a sketch so libidinous that you might need to take a cold shower when it’s done. Here are five of the horniest sketches in the history of SNL…
Hermione Growth Spurt
Sure, this one’s pretty creepy considering that Hermione was a second-year Hogwarts student in this sketch. Lindsay Lohan herself was 18 when “Hermione Growth Spurt” aired so it wasn’t exactly illegal, but there’s still something unsettling about 30-year-old Jimmy Fallon staring down Lohan’s unbuttoned Gryffindor uniform. At least Professor Snape has the good sense to avert his gaze. The sketch is undeniably horny, with practically every character in the Harry Potter universe trying to figure out how to get Hermione wasted on butterbeer.
Il Cantore Restaurant
Lust is on the menu at Il Cantore, an Italian restaurant where patrons like Kirstie Alley are devoured like fettuccine. Alley, who got the motorboat treatment from Adam Sandler and a luxurious face-licking from Dana Carvey, said it was the “most fun I’ve ever had acting.”
Parent Teacher Conference
The sexual heat generated by Jason Sudeikis and Ego Nwodim set the internet on fire.
Poor Kyle Mooney never stood a chance.
What is it about Cheers stars showing up to get nasty with the SNL cast? If it’s not Alley getting fondled by every male comic on the show, it’s Ted Danson burying his face in Jan Hooks’ cleavage. Back in 1989, you know some NBC censor threw themselves off a bridge.
Totinos with Kristen Stewart
Screw Vanessa Bayer’s hungry guys — it’s time she figures out what she’s hungry for. Bayer was up to the task, telling Andy Cohen, “With Kristen Stewart, we were really kissing for a long time, which was amazing.” Um, yeah. SNL writer Sara Schneider told Vulture that since it was Bayer’s last year on the show, they were determined for her Totino’s character to “find her truth.” More than that, she found her Totino.