What to Get the ‘Seinfeld,’ ‘South Park’ or ‘Simpsons’ Superfan in Your Life

Just in time for Festivus
What to Get the ‘Seinfeld,’ ‘South Park’ or ‘Simpsons’ Superfan in Your Life

One of the most memorable gifts I ever got somebody cost me almost nothing. It was for my buddy Glen, who, like me, is a die-hard Seinfeld fan. I gave him a printed card that read, “A donation has been made in your name to The Human Fund,” which I got off Etsy for less than $5. I then put it in an envelope and mailed it across the country. I didn’t include a gift card; there was no “real gift” on the way — but that’s what he loved about it. I bailed on any other gesture to commit to the bit in the same way George Costanza did in Season Nine’s “The Strike.”

I knew Glen would love my gesture because we both have equal reverence for Seinfeld, but if you’re not as well-versed on a particular TV show as that superfan in your life, it can be a bit tough to know what to buy. So, with the help of a few experts, I put together a gift guide for the SeinfeldSimpsons and South Park superfans in your life. 

My apologies to you Taxi fans out there, but we had to draw the line somewhere…

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‘Seinfeld’ Gifts

Is This Anything? by Jerry Seinfeld ($10.70 on Amazon)

Recommended by the co-hosts of The Place to Be: A Seinfeld Podcast, Eric Dobin and Adam Pacecca, is Jerry Seinfeld’s 2021 book. As Dobin explains, “This is a compilation of all his jokes dating back to 1975. It’s fun for Christmas — or Festivus — because you can pass it around the table, have each family member read a joke, and have fun listening to their version. We did it a few years ago and had a great time.”

The Official 2024 Seinfeld Wall Calendar ($16.98 on Amazon)

While a wall calendar is hardly the most original gift idea, it’s a basic item that people need and will actually use. Dobin and Pacecca are particularly fond of the official Seinfeld calendar, as it features memorable lines from the show.

A Cameo from Various Seinfeld Actors ($85 to $330 on Cameo)

Most of the gifts here don’t exceed $20, but if you’re looking for a more substantial one, Dobin and Pacecca say that a Cameo might be the way to go. A number of Seinfeld stars are available for personalized messages, including John O’Hurley (J. Peterman), Danny Woodburn (Mickey), Wayne Knight (Newman) and Larry Thomas (The Soup Nazi).

The Human Fund Card ($2.51 on Zazzle)

If you decide to go with a Human Fund card like I did, there’s a good one for $2.51 on Zazzle. NOTE: You can’t get this person anything else; you must commit to this non-gift for it to be funny.

‘South Park’ Gifts

Randy Big Face Flip Flops ($27.95 on the South Park Shop)

Randy can be a divisive character for South Park fans, but if you know that the person you’re buying for loves Randy, Norah, the internet’s single-biggest Randy Fan, recommends these flip flops. Norah admits that she doesn’t wear them often due to fear of ruining them, so she can’t attest to how comfortable they are, but she still cherishes them.

Youtooz Vinyl Pajama Cartman ($29.99 on Youtooz)

While Norah only has the Randy one herself, she recommends the Youtooz line of South Park vinyl toys, which she says perfectly captures South Park’s 2D characters in 3D (unlike Funko Pops, etc., which are stylized versions of the characters). In addition to Randy and Cartman, there is also Kenny, Stan, Kyle, PC Principal and a few others. If you’re not positive which character is your friend’s favorite, go with Towelie because everyone needs a towel.

Kidrobot Mr. Hankey Phunny Plush ($16.99 on Kidrobot)

Since it’s the holiday season, something with Mr. Hankey on it makes sense. Norah personally loves Kidrobot’s line of South Park plushies, which, aside from Mr. Hankey, features Cartman with a box of Cheesy Poofs and, of course, Randy bouncing on his inflamed testicles.

Mr. Hanky Holiday Knitted Sweater ($68.95 on the South Park Shop)

If you’re attending an ugly sweater holiday party, why not be the only one there wearing a sweater with a piece of poop on it?

Simpsons Gifts

Collecting The Simpsons: The Merchandise and Legacy of Our Favorite Nuclear Family by Warren Evans and James and Lydia Hicks ($29.95 on Amazon)

Collecting the Simpsons is a new book celebrating the fandom and merchandise of The Simpsons. The over 300-page coffee table book “covers everything from toys to household products like clocks and bathroom items, along with comic books, video games and a ton more. It also hits things like toys that weren’t actually produced. It shows just how much stuff they made of The Simpsons and discusses some of the controversy around them, like how Bart Simpson shirts were banned from many schools,” explains co-author Evans, who goes by Bart of Darkness on Instagram and hosts the Simpsons Is Greater Than… podcast.

Happy Socks Simpsons 2-pack Gift Set ($36 on Happy Socks)

Socks are the kinds of things everyone needs and can’t have too many of, so getting a Simpsons fan some Simpsons socks is a safe bet. Evans personally has these and says he loves them.

Bark’s Classic Simpsons Toy Bundle ($31.99 on Bark Shop)

If your Simpsons superfan happens to have a dog, Evans says to go for the Bark bundle of Simpsons dog toys. In addition to having Homer and Bart in the bundle, classic-era fans of The Simpsons will love the inclusion of Blinky, the three-eyed fish.

The Time Machine Did It by John Swartzwelder ($15.95 on Amazon)

The Time Machine Did It is a humor novel by John Swartzwelder, the man who wrote more classic episodes of The Simpsons than anyone else. The book is a noir parody about an idiot detective named Frank Burly who gets wrapped up in a case involving a time machine. It’s hands-down the single funniest book I’ve ever read in my life and, without having anything official to do with The Simpsons, it’s full of that familiar brand of golden-era Simpsons humor. Seriously, it’s funny as hell and a perfect gift.

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