Here Are Some Other Ways Trey Parker And Matt Stone Could Have Spent All the Money They’ve Sunk Into Casa Bonita
With the South Park library valued at $1 billion and through two years of a new $900 million deal with ViacomCBS, Trey Parker and Matt Stone have more than enough money to do absolutely whatever they want for the rest of their lives — which, apparently, they will spend eating tacos and watching cliff divers at Casa Bonita.
Back in June, Parker and Stone gave an update on their ongoing renovations of the suburban Denver dinner/entertainment megaplex that they lovingly included in the South Park canon, saying that they spent “infinity dollars” (or about $40 million) updating the sprawling property for its post-COVID return to operations. Today, the Casa Bonita website says that they are still in a “beta testing” phase with limited hours of operation, and Parker and Stone have yet to set a firm date for a full re-opening. “It would be way cheaper if we just went hang gliding over volcanoes,” Stone joked back during the summer. Depending on how much more work has been done in the last five months, by now, it may be cheaper to buy the damn volcanoes.
Working with the $40 million figure that Parker and Stone gave this past summer, here are a handful of other extravagant ways the pair could have spent the not-so-small fortune they continue to pour into a giant pink cathedral full of beans and puppets…
Buy 4 Private Islands
Actually, $40 million could buy many, many more than just four private islands, but the properties listed by The Robb Report are probably the best “bang for your buck” in terms of habitability. Parker and Stone could comfortably acquire seaside solitude in Belize, Greece, British Columbia and French Polynesia (the first one was even owned by Francis Ford Coppola) and still have enough money left over for a lifetime supply of tortillas.
Pay for 20,000 Cataracts Surgeries
Earlier this year, YouTube megastar MrBeast made national news when he paid for 1,000 underprivileged people suffering from cataracts to undergo surgery to fix their eye issues, priced at about $2,000 per patient, out-of-pocket. The resulting viral video was criticized by some for how seemingly exploitative Mr. Beast’s portrayal of the people undergoing the procedure was, but multiply that number of patients by 20 and see who tries to tear you down then.
Go to Space 40 Times Each
Space tourism is still in its infancy, but even the most costly suborbital trips on Virgin Galactic’s SpaceShipTwo and Blue Origin’s New Shepard top out at around $500,000. Of course, Parker and Stone may have some hesitation about boarding a billionaire’s rocket ship after they just insulted the dick measuring of the Bezos and Musks of the world in South Park: Joining the Panderverse. And so, Parker and Stone probably wouldn’t want to risk a challenging trip.
Protect 4 Million Acres of Tropical Rainforest
Since Parker and Stone finally admit that human-made climate change (or ManBearPig, they use the two interchangeably) does exist despite Al Gore’s dorkiness, they could save a slice of our planet’s lungs from devastation by protecting precious land in the rainforest at just $10 an acre through The Rainforest Trust. Of course, we also know how Parker and Stone feel about hippies who are obsessed with saving the rainforests…
Make ‘Team America 2’
Even if Parker and Stone had 40 trillion dollars, this one would be a longshot. The total budget for Team America: World Police, the pair’s torturous exercise in parody puppetry, was $32 million in 2004, which, accounting for inflation, would be about $52 million today, but I’m sure Parker and Stone could use their painstakingly acquired expertise in the medium to shave off some of the extra costs that the original project incurred. However, the unique difficulties of working in stop-motion puppetry were so stressful and time-consuming that Parker would later say of the experience, “You could threaten to kill my family, and I would not make another puppet movie. If my mother would die if I would not make another puppet movie, she’d be dead. I’m totally serious.”
So put this one in the “maybe” pile.