‘Simpsons’ Lines That Hit Too Close Home

The best times ‘The Simpsons’ got too real
‘Simpsons’ Lines That Hit Too Close Home

Though not widely appreciated for its philosophical tendencies, real Simpsons fans know that, every now and then, The Simpsons will break out a line that makes us stop and ponder, “Damn… it really is better to have no kids and three money.”

Despite the fact that the Golden Age of The Simpsons lies somewhere in the early 1990s, many of the timeless truths discovered by the best writing staff in animated TV history are still startlingly poignant today. Utterances that expose the cruelty of the housing market, the ethical realities of consumption under capitalism and the struggle between the self and the group ring true regardless of the decade in which they are spoken, and The Simpsons has had enough of them to pad out yet another Simpsons clip show episode if Fox so wished.

Over in the Simpsons subreddit, fans recently selected the most brutally truthful lines ever spoken on The Simpsons. Here are some of the most crushing quotes…

‘We Can’t Afford to Shop at Any Store That Has a Philosophy’

Simpsons fans in places like New York or Los Angeles will likely connect to this the strongest — though, with inflation and price-gouging running rampant across every grocery store, some of us can’t afford to shop, period. Marge’s thriftiness nets her a Chanel Suit in “Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield,” but, generally, well-budgeted shoppers should steer clear of any outlet that tries to tell you its mission statement.

‘What’s the Point of Going Out? We’re Just Going to End Up Back Here, Anyway’

Also from “Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield,” Homer perfectly captured the thoughts and emotions of a person over the age of 30 who is asked to do anything recreational outside of their own living room. In a post-COVID world, it has grown even harder to justify leaving the house, especially if it’s to go get condescended to by a bunch of stuffy rich snobs at the Springfield Country Club.

‘If You Don’t Like Your Job, You Don’t Strike, You Just Go in Every Day and Do It Really Half-Assed! That’s the American Way’

Obviously, the writers of The Simpsons didn’t agree with Homer’s evaluation of the teachers’ union in “The PTA Disbands” seeing as they themselves just closed a historic deal with the AMPTP this past weekend, but they did loosely describe the concept of “quiet quitting” before it became the bane of middle-managers a quarter of a century later. How’s that for a purple monkey dishwasher?

‘Oh Wow, Windows! I Don’t Think I Can Afford This Place’

What Otto was doing at an open house in “You Only Move Twice” we’ll never know, seeing as all he had in his apartment was a jar of mustard and a couple of old Psycho magazines. However, his house-hunting revelation is more relevant now than it’s ever been — with the housing market nearly cornered by maniacal investment firms like BlackRock, windows will soon be a luxury afforded only by the One Percent.

‘You Don’t Understand, I Really Tried This Time, I Mean I Really Tried. This Is As Good As I Could Do And I Still Failed!’

Bart’s reaction to failing the final test of fourth grade and being doomed to repeat the course in “Bart Gets an ‘F’” could have been a cry from Sisyphus himself as the boulder rolls back down the hill. Though Bart was immediately redeemed upon pulling a niche George Washington reference out of his backside and impressing Mrs. Krabappel enough to give him a D-, the real lesson here is one that Homer would have to hammer home in Season Five – “Never try.”

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