13 Funny Jokes from Kate Berlant
Kate Berlant has been an absurdist presence in pop culture ever since she first appeared on Lizzie McGuire. Over the years, she’s been a stand-up stalwart and in cahoots with several other offbeat comedic voices such as Eugene Mirman and the folks at Abso Lutely and the Upright Citizens Brigade to put her hilariously weird self on display.
So, let’s jump into some of the best jokes, bits and sketches that Berlant has tickled our funny bones with…
Her ‘Tonight Show’ Debut
On Washing Dishes
Should you use a round sponge? A square sponge? Does the sponge correspond with the dish you want to clean? Berlant addresses these important concerns.
On Stealing Cosmetics
“I believe 100 percent that women have the right to steal cosmetics. The situation is that women sometimes, sometimes upon birth, are forced into an economy in which you pay for your own subjectivity constantly. So if you don’t have any creams, powders or lotions, then the state won’t recognize you, and you can’t get a job. It gets violent.”
On Her Privilege
“How do I do it? The bravery. The bravery of what I do. I do comedy. I was forced into it, but I do it mostly as a way to deal with the overwhelming privilege of my childhood. Just kind of a white woman in America. Just kind of all the resources that were available to me at such a young age. And my parents, since I was born, were like, ‘We love you, you’re special.’ It’s even still they give me that love, and they’re still together, whoa! Just the weight of that is crippling.”
On Telling Time
Look, a clock has two arms, 12 other things, and all the other minute ones. It can be complex for some people.
On Being a Psychic
Berlant does her own cold reading of the crowd, and it goes just as well as the hucksters trying to pass it off as real.
On Sex Improving Your Day
On Making Reservations
Some people can get flustered when they try to make a reservation at a restaurant for a large party. Berlant can help you overcome your insecurities and get the table you need.
On their comedy special Would It Kill You to Laugh, Berlant and Early refuse to get gaslit by their dancing instructor, and then bubbles happen.
Mourning isn’t a competition, but Berlant and Early seem to think so. Loss makes us ugly and passive-aggressive sometimes.
On a Female President
When She Guided a Tour of Washington D.C.
For Sarah Silverman’s I Love You, America, Berlant improvised her way through a tour of Washington D.C. It’s a shame that she and Jeff couldn’t work it out.
On Sitting Down
Sitting is hard, okay! It doesn’t come naturally to some people, all right? Stop judging me!