13 Great Dark Humor Jokes About War

War? What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Which is why people make jokes about it
13 Great Dark Humor Jokes About War

War brings out the worst of humanity, no matter how valiant the cause may seem. It’s something that we take solemnly... Until we don’t. Like with anything, war can be a subject for comedy, usually in a dark direction to distract us from its horrors. So while it can be macabre, depressing and feel futile, it can also make us laugh when crafted by a deft jokester.

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Here are just a handful of the darkest jokes, bits and sketches surrounding the touchy topic of war…

Nataly Aukar Is a War Refugee

“I was a war refugee. I don’t look like a war refugee. I look like someone would tell me they were a war refugee, and I’d be like, ‘Oh my god, my family moved us around a lot as kids, so I get it.’”

‘Family Guy’ on How Homophobia Caused the War in Iraq

Suzy Izzard on Stalin, Pol Pot and Hitler

Stalin killed many millions — died in his bed. Well done there. Pol Pot killed 1.7 million Cambodians — died under house arrest, age 72. Well done, indeed. And the reason we let them get away with it is because they killed their own people. And we’re sort of fine with that. ‘Ah, help yourself. We’ve been trying to kill you for ages, so you kill your own people? *Mumble* Hitler killed people next door. Stupid man. After a couple years, we won’t stand for that, will we?”

The History of Fort Springfield

On The Simpsons, the children of Springfield Elementary got to see a reenactment of their brave ancestors killing a defenseless, surrendering enemy. 

Norm Macdonald Was Scared of Germany

“In the entire Earth, there’s only one country that frightens me, and that’s the country of Germany. I don’t know if you guys are students of history or not, but for those of you who aren’t, Germany in the previous century, in the early part, they decide to go to war. And who did they choose to go to war with? THE WORLD. So you’d think it’d last about five seconds and the world would fucking win, but it was actually close. I don’t know how that worked. Then, 30 years pass, and Germany decides to go to war again. And once again, they choose their foe, THE WORLD.”

Key & Peele on Killing an African Warlord

War is hell, especially when you’re asked by your dictator-general to help kill him.

Russell Peters on Why Arab Countries Do Well in War

Tom Segura’s Dad Was a Vietnam Vet

It took a while, but Segura got his dad to open up about his time in Vietnam, and he slowly started to reveal his dark side.

‘College Humor’ Pulls Out of Iraq

Listen, when invading a country, you have to take proper precautions. After all, we learned in school that the pull-out method isn’t always effective.

The USSR Returns in ‘The Simpsons’

This gag hits harder in 2023.

‘Saturday Night Live’s Face Filter Fallout

Being a serious war reporter is hard when you can’t turn your Snapchat filters off.

George Carlin on America’s Favorite Pastime

“This country is only 200 years old, and we’ve had 10 major wars. We average a major war every 20 years in this country, so we’re good at it! And it’s a good thing we are; we’re not very good at anything else anymore! Can’t build a decent car. Can’t make a TV set or a VCR worth a fuck. Got no steel industry left, can’t educate our young people, can’t get health care to our old people, but we can bomb the shit out of your country, alright! Especially if your country is full of brown people. Oh, we like that, don’t we? That’s our hobby! That’s our new job in the world: bombing brown people.”

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