4 Uncensored Movies That Are Better with the Censorship

Dirtier doesn’t always mean better
4 Uncensored Movies That Are Better with the Censorship

A lot of fans like their movies the same way Adam Sandler likes his gems: uncut. One might assume that most mainstream Hollywood films are better with all the censor-rankling obscene bits left in – but this isn’t always the case. It turns out that some “uncut” releases of famous movies are actually worse than the versions that would be sanitized for the masses, like how…

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‘The 40-Year-Old Virgin’s Extra Scenes Make It Even Clearer That Andy Was Traumatized

Giving director Judd Apatow an extended cut of a movie is a little like handing a can of kerosene and a zippo to a pyromaniac. Case in point: There’s a much longer, “unrated” cut of The 40-Year-Old Virgin, the comedy classic that probably plays a lot differently today thanks to the whole “incel” thing.

The filthier edit features a number of mostly unnecessary moments that wisely ended up on the cutting room floor, including an extended scene in which our hero Andy fantasizes about porn/future headline star Stormy Daniels

Also, there’s yet another flashback to Andy’s past sexual history that makes it even more apparent that his middle-aged sexual timidity is the result of some kind of psychological trauma. In the extra scene, he fumbles his attempt to take his date’s bra off before getting aggressively ridiculed by his topless date for prematurely jizzing his pants, which he tries to pass off as “Cream of Wheat.”

Thankfully neither cut of the movie included the even more screwed-up scene where a six-year-old Andy is warned by his domineering mother to never give in to sexual urges and to just play with action figures instead.

The Unrated ‘Dumb and Dumber’ Adds Rape Jokes and Gay Panic

The original Dumb and Dumber is a gross-out classic – the extended “unrated” version that debuted on DVD, not so much. For starters, it weirdly makes Harry and Lloyd seem like giant creeps. Take the scene in which they share a soak in a heart-shaped motel jacuzzi; the amusing gag is completely ruined when Lloyd taunts Harry, calling him a “big homo.”

Even the iconic diarrhea scene takes a weird turn toward the unpleasant in its longer cut, as Harry inexplicably removes the toilet bowl from the bathroom floor and dumps turds all over his girlfriend’s lawn.

Perhaps the worst change is Lloyd’s more explicit encounter with “Seabass” in the gas station bathroom; in this version, the angry trucker flat-out declares that he’s going to “rape” and then “kill” Lloyd while removing his pants and grabbing his dick. 

‘Badder Santa’ Is Somehow Even More Depressing

Bad Santa is one of the bleakest holiday films ever made — second only to It’s a Wonderful Life, which ended with George Bailey’s life in the crapper and somehow neglected to kill off old Mr. Potter — telling the story of a washed-up, alcoholic thief who dresses up as Kris Kringle in order to rob a department store.

Capitalizing on the “unrated” home video trend, we eventually got Badder Santa, the extended cut of the film that is somehow way bleaker than the original. The new cut contains scenes in which Santa/Willie hooks up with a stripper (who he treats like crap) and extended footage of him creeping on an underage girl. You know, for people who complained that Willie wasn’t quite enough of a dirtbag in the theatrical cut.

Presumably, much of this additional footage came from the reshoots helmed, not by director Terry Zwigoff but by Old School’s Todd Phillips, who was brought in to add broader comedic material as a result of poor test screenings. Zwigoff later released a third cut of the movie, which was actually several minutes shorter than the theatrical version.

‘Apocalypse Now’ Removed A Cringey Sex Scene, Then Put it Back, Then Took it Out Again

Francis Ford Coppola’s Apocalypse Now is one of the greatest movies of all time, chronicling the barbaric surreality of the Vietnam War through the eyes of Charlie Sheen’s dad. Famously, the movie has released a number of different cuts over the years. For 2001’s Apocalypse Now Redux, Coppola put back several scenes that had been excised back in 1979, including one that may or may not have involved the protagonist knocking boots with a literal ghost.

But that wasn’t the only baffling sex scene that made its way back into the film. Originally, Coppola shot an extended nudity-filled sequence in which Captain Willard and his crew encounter a trio of stranded Playboy bunnies (seen earlier at a USO show).

For some reason, Willard hits pause on monologuing about the moral ambiguities of the human soul in order to trade his company’s fuel for a few minutes alone with the bunnies. Willard’s plan to get his fellow soldiers laid is both creepy and insulting — these are models, not sex toys, who are literally traded for gasoline, seemingly without giving any consent. The scene was cut out of the theatrical release but put back for Redux. When Coppola released his “Final Cut” in 2019, he removed the scene yet again, realizing that the it is “not something that would go over very well in today’s political climate.” 

The horror!

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