Joe Biden Calls White House Screening of the Cheetos Movie ‘A Reminder of the Power of Stories’

The first film to ever be screened at the White House was the KKK-glorifying The Birth of a Nation in 1915, which President Woodrow Wilson described as “like writing history with lightning.” When Joe Biden watched Flamin’ Hot on the White House lawn yesterday, he said, “It ain’t easy being cheesy.”

Well, actually, Biden waxed significantly more poetic in his review of the movie about Frito-Lay’s flagship flamin’ hot snack and the individuals who made it a success — he commented that the Eva Longoria-produced project about a Mexican-born janitor who claimed to have invented the Flamin’ Hot Cheeto “is the first-ever public screening of a film focused on the Hispanic community at the White House.” The president further remarked that it was “fitting that we host this screening during Immigrant Heritage Month,” calling Flamin’ Hot “a reminder of that essential truth: opportunity. It’s a cornerstone of our democracy and the American dream.”

Biden further expounded his opinion on the film by saying that Flamin’ Hot represents “exactly what the Hispanic community embodies: opportunity and courage.” Eat shit, Woodrow Wilson — or drink a can of Flamin’ Hot Mountain Dew. Basically the same thing.

“Like so many of you, like my family and Jill’s from Ireland and from Italy,” Biden said to the crowd that gathered to watch Flamin’ Hot at the White House, a huddled mass with fingers coated in that unifying, patriotic red dust, yearning to breathe free after accidentally inhaling some of it. Biden said of this nation of immigrants, “Most of us came because we were persecuted. Most of us came because we weren’t welcome where we were. And when we got here, we had to fight like hell to be recognized.”

A vocal proponent of the WGA writers’ strike, Biden alluded to the ongoing struggle as he called Flamin’ Hot “a reminder of the power of stories, the importance of treating storytellers with dignity,” saying that they should get “the respect and the value they deserve.”

Longoria, who has spoken at three Democratic National Conventions and is a longtime Biden ally, recently spoke at a fundraising event for the president's re-election campaign, saying, “There’s a lot of attempts to drive this country backwards and it’s no longer hidden agenda. It is the agenda.” 

Perhaps she brought the Cheeto movie to the White House to help stop that other Cheeto from moving back in.