13 of the Best Dark Humor Songs from Tom Cardy

13 of the Best Dark Humor Songs from Tom Cardy

If you haven’t yet heard of Australian comedian Tom Cardy, we’re about to fix that for you. His tunes are catchy as hell, and the self-deprecating, often surreal lyrics aren’t just the misanthropic ramblings of a madman who shouldn’t be left alone with his own thoughts. They’re also a serious cut above what passes for comedy songs on TikTok these days.

So crank up these 13 dark humor little ditties to 11, and make everyone around you wonder what the hell is wrong with you. 

‘Big Breakfast’

“Eggs, bacon, hashed brown, baked beans, another hashed brown, sausage, toast... Regret.”

‘All the Stupid Things I’ve Ever Done’

Cardy breaks down his method of falling asleep.

‘Red Flags’ (ft. Montaigne)

Yep, when your date’s favorite movie is Human Centipede, it’s time for the check.

‘Jurassic Park 12: It’s Dino Time!’

“They are truly beautiful, and they all deserve our respect. Run.”

‘The Ballad of Smokin' Joe Rudeboy’

“But he didn’t own no six gun, let me tell you what he’d do. When the varmint rode into town, he’d shoot ‘em down with a big fat ‘Fuck you!’”

‘Repress It!’

We’re guessing Ray Parker Jr. doesn’t need the money anyway.

‘Merry Fistmas’

“Bathe in the Christmas magic that is the COVID fever dream of a musician trying to flesh out a half idea he came up with before becoming violently ill.”

‘Hey, I Don’t Work Here’

“Hey, I don’t work here, but if I did, would I make a race car out of sand then fall asleep?"

‘Big Dumb Idiot’

“I’m the type of guy that says ‘hi’ one too many times.” This thing slaps.

‘High Five’

If Cardy asks for a high five, for the sake of all humanity, give him one.

‘Why Am I Anxious?’

“I just woke up, should I drink water and stretch? No, No. I’m gonna drink three cups of coffee and smoke a cigarette instead, and then I’ll go on social media until dinnertime…”

‘Mixed Messages’

“I send the first text in a cute way. And then I don’t reply for seven fuckin’ days, yeah.”

‘Have You Checked Your Butthole?’

“It’s a funny thing to say to someone who’s lost their shit and is stressed out visibly.”

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