A Glossary of the Best Innuendo ‘New Girl’ Writers Created to Get Around the Network Censors

Circumventing a network’s Standards and Practices Department requires equal parts genius and childishness
A Glossary of the Best Innuendo ‘New Girl’ Writers Created to Get Around the Network Censors

The Fox network show New Girl gave us plenty of new (or, at the very least, reinvigorated) words and phrases to add to our ever-growing pop-culture vocabulary. Theres adorkable, theres bronemies and who among us even says womb anymore when baby box so gloriously exists? Ten points if you sing it, too.

However, a lot of this sitcoms most colorful words and phrases originated thanks to the networks Standards and Practices Department — the people who determine what is safe to air and what should be censored lest it corrupts the innocent to their very core. While these censorhounds are usually a pain in the butt for many series, the folks over at New Girl took it all in stride. Some of the beauty of writing for a network is that there are so many things you cant do, but that sort of pushes you to do things you didnt even think you could do to get around that, creator Elizabeth Meriwether told The New Republic. It has been a really good exercise for me… in learning, like: Okay, so we cant show boobs, we cant say the word dick, we cant just say the most shocking thing. We have to come up with a way around it.

And that they did, slipping in sexual references and innuendos in creative and funny ways without getting wrapped up in red tape...

All of Jess Slightly Altered Words for Penis

Early on, in Season Ones fourth episode, Naked, Jess (Zooey Deschanel) reveals her inability to say the textbook word for dong in front of Nick (Jake Johnson). It turns out that, according to those pesky rules of Standards and Practices, the word penis was only allowed to be said five times an episode. The creators clearly rolled with this censoring by having Jess say the word more than that, only slightly altered every time. 


20th Television

A thing Schmidt (Max Greenfield), our resident horny monster man, said when once referring to Ceces (Hannah Simone) breasts. The man is nothing if not cheesy.


20th Television

In the pilot episode, Coach (Damon Wayans Jr.) doesnt want Jess to move into the guys apartment because of his balls. More specifically, because he wont be able to let his beans hang out.


The show was apparently not allowed to use the term a-hole, so they opted for b-hole instead. During an interview with The A.V. Club, the showrunners said they were eventually allowed to say dick, for which they were very grateful. As long as we werent referring to male genitalia, you could have a character call another character a dick,’” recalled Brett Baer. And we were like, Oh my God, this is incredible.’”

Ass was apparently fine to say, though, as proof of this clip from Season One.

Bishop in a Turtleneck

Since the word penis had its limits, its no wonder Schmidt came up with a whole new phrase for an uncircumcised wang. Whether he knows that it originates from Hedwig and the Angry Inch is up for debate.

DTF — Darn Tootin’ Fun

As part of circumventing Standards and Practices, the creators often made the censorship rule part of a joke that could easily fit into a sitcom. When Jess discovers a new dating app in Season Four called Dice, she ignores Schmidts warning and creates a profile. In her bio, she adds DTF, which she explains simply implies that shes darn tootin fun.

Hardening Caulk

Not subtle at all, which makes it hilarious that the showrunners also decided to use that big ol phrase in the episode's title — Quick Hardening Caulk. In this Season Two episode, Jess tries to resist her feelings for Nick, who is making it difficult for her as he yanks chains and shops for some hardening caulk at a hardware store.

Junk Mail

Also known as those pictures people send to other people to show them their junk. It truly is the perfect way to term a dick pic, even though it originates from Schmidt, who is most definitely an unsolicited serial junk mail sender.

Party Hats

A term Schmidt thought appropriate to use during his first meeting with Cece to refer to her hard nipples. The man is nothing if not a boob.


While pogo initially meant a persons most annoying attribute in the episode Pepperwood, Schmidt (of course) found a way to use it to make a penis joke. Its a wild left swing, but we guess thats just a Tuesday for the man with the tiniest party hats.

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