Hard Nipples Break Our Brains

Nipples are among society’s biggest double (D) standards. While a man can have his sweaty pepperoni nips exposed on a hot summer day without any complaints, a woman cannot wear a thin shirt on a chilly day without everyone judging her. 

In fact, according to a recent study, women with hard nipples were thought to be stupider and sluttier than those without them — a pretty harsh reaction to something that occurs involuntarily from a temperature change or by rubbing against some fabric. 

During the study, 234 men and women were shown a random series of six women with “nipple erections” under clothing, and six women with more modest nips. They were then asked what they thought of these women. The questions ranged from “How likely is she to cheat on her partner?” to “How intelligent is she?” 

The women with hard nipples were harshly judged by both men and women as “less intelligent, less moral and more likely to engage in sexual behaviors,” the study’s authors wrote. It’s almost as if these men and women had encountered a nipple so hard in their past, that it cut them deep enough to leave a scar for life. “In summary, female nipple erection, which is an uncontrollable reflex, triggers sexualization and objectification by both men and women who observe it,” the researchers concluded.

Such a pointed reaction seems completely unfair. But clearly, no matter how much we push for it these days, the nipple is far from free.