New Girl: 15 Schmidt Pearls Of Wisdom
Winston Schmidt is one of the most unique characters to ever grace our Netflix accounts. A hilarious combination of manic, dapper, fratty, and romantic all rolled up into one ad salesmen. Here's some pearls of wisdom from Schmidt to take with you on your journey to become a more classy fourth roommate.
Schmidt on clothes shopping.
Schmidt has Barney's vibes.
“I’m not being overdramatic when I say I would rather sit naked on a hot grill than wear something off the rack.”
Schmidt on technology.
Don't they give out Androids for free on the street?
“She has a flip phone, Jess. She’s either poor or a time traveler.”
Schmidt on baths.
“Bathtubs are medieval filth cauldrons… I’m not interested in simmering in testicle tea for 20 minutes.”
If only Schmidt knew people pay good money for that tea.
Schmidt on resilience.
Paint this on a wood sign and hang it in my mom's kitchen.
“Without ash to rise from, the phoenix would just be a bird getting up."
Schmidt on sheets.
Egyptian cotton and nothing less.
"Where do you even buy sheets like this? They have the thread count of a paper towel.”
Schmidt on M. Night Shyamalan.
Maybe Schmidt would enjoy the live action Avatar?
“Hey, M. Night Shyamalan. I’ve got a twist ending for you: Shut up!”
Schmidt on appropriate woods.
Schmidt respects wood.
"Pine has no place in this loft. It’s the wood of poor people and outhouses.”
Schmidt on cooking.
“Are you cooking a frittata in a saucepan? What is this prison?”
What is the appropriate pan, Schmidt? I need to know before my dinner party.
Related: The Rise And Fall Of Dane Cook
Schmidt on books.
A peak at Schmidt's personal library.
“Outliers — you should read it. Malcolm Gladwell. It’s one of my desert island books, along with Machiavelli’s The Prince, Freak by John Leguizamo, any of the scripts from the first season of Vampire Diaries.”
Schmidt on masculinity.
Somebody forgot to tell my dad.
“Know this. Your caveman ideas about manhood are so over. Manhood today is about exfoliation, cheese courses, emotional honesty and Paxil.”
Schmidt on The Hobbit.
"There are plenty of things to be down about. Air pollution in China, the deficit, The Hobbit wasn’t very good. If I wanted to see dwarves in a real-time dinner scene, I would have gone to Koreatown.”
Are you team Schmidt or team The Hobbit? Let us know with #Iamteamthehobbitnotschmidt or #IamnotteamthehobbitIamteamschmidt.
Schmidt on beans.
This is 100% true no debate.
“Beans are nothing but soggy nuts!”
Related: Rowan Atkinson Can't Escape Mr. Bean
Schmidt on race.
Schmidt is a champion of the American melting pot.
“Being brown, you have the wisdom of a thousand white women.”
Schmidt on empathy.
Schmidt might be a serial killer?
"Do you just walk around all day thinking about other people’s feelings? How do you get anything done?”
Schmidt on what makes the perfect party.
“Can you believe the zoo wouldn’t let me borrow their white tiger? I mean, the nerve! Philip Seymour Hoffman is going to be sitting at the back of the party thinking, ‘Look at that guy. He couldn’t even get a big cat.’
I've never been to a party without a tiger so I understand how he feels.
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Top Image: 20th Century Fox Television