The Best Dark Humor Jokes from Zach Galifianakis

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The Best Dark Humor Jokes from Zach Galifianakis

Between his stand-up act, various movie roles a la the Hangover trilogy and work on Between Two Ferns and Baskets, Zach Galifianakis has repeatedly proven himself to be surreal and unpredictable. The only thing you know about what he’s going to do next is that it will be totally demented. It’s this twisted sense of humor we celebrate today, sharing 10 of the darkest jokes he’s ever told.

On Aging

“I once walked in on my grandparents making love — and that’s why I don’t eat raisins.”

On Mental Illness

“Three years ago, my sister was diagnosed with multiple personalities. And there’s nothing funny about that. But she phoned me the other day, and my caller ID exploded.”

Interviewing Brie Larson on ‘Between Two Ferns’

“I read online that you’re very private and decline to answer questions that make you feel uncomfortable. This is a two-parter: Is that true? And how old were you when you got your first period?”

On His Father

“My father used to beat me with his belt — while it was still on him.”

On Boners

“Did you ever wake up with an erection, and then you realize you’re just in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk, ‘I’ll take it!’”

On High School Reunions

“I went to my high school reunion not too long ago. It was very weird, because I was homeschooled. It was just me there by a bowl of punch, listening to Kool & the Gang, talking about how fat I’ve gotten. Why I rented that limo, I have no idea.”

On Manners

“I don’t mean to be gross, but the only time it’s good to yell, ‘I have diarrhea’ is when you’re playing Scrabble. Because it’s worth a shitload of points.”

On His Grandma

“My grandma treats me like a rock star. I guess that’s why she lets me sign her tits.”

On His Literary Pursuits

“I wanna plug a book that I wrote. It’s a book about conjoined twins. They’re joined at the tip of the nose, and it’s called, Stop Looking at Me.”

On His Look

“When you look like I do, it’s hard to get a table for one at Chuck E. Cheese.”

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