Bill Maher Starred in a ‘90s Thriller Where He Murders Trump and Roughs Up Reagan

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Bill Maher Starred in a ‘90s Thriller Where He Murders Trump and Roughs Up Reagan

As we’ve mentioned before, Bill Maher sucks. The TV host and best thing we have to a mascot for smugness has made some cringey (and downright reprehensible) comments over the years, but Maher arguably doesn’t get enough crap for his god-awful acting career. 

Back in the 1980s and 1990s, Maher routinely popped up in various movies and TV shows. This includes two episodes of Murder, She Wrote, playing characters that somehow made you root for the anonymous killers of Cabot Cove.

Even more bizarrely, there was once an honest-to-goodness feature-length motion picture starring Maher: 1991’s Pizza Man. The allegedly comedic mystery was essentially a hard-boiled film noir — but with a pizza delivery guy instead of a P.I.

Maher’s character, Elmo Bunn, is tasked with delivering a pizza to a familiar address, where a former pizza guy disappeared back in the 1970s. Elmo is quickly drawn into an elaborate criminal conspiracy involving a femme fatale and several real-life politicians played by unconvincing impersonators. In one scene, Maher holds a philandering Ronald Reagan at gunpoint and demands the $15.23 he’s owed for a large pizza with anchovies and sausage.

Later, he confronts the villainous… Dan Quayle? It’s like everyone involved with this movie was passionately committed to ensuring that it would age as well as gas station sushi.

In another scene, Maher is captured by a machine gun-wielding Donald Trump (who’s literally named “Donald Trump”), floppy red tie and all. In a shocking twist, it’s revealed that Trump was the original lost pizza guy, presumably because this movie is set in a fantasy world where Donald Trump actually did an honest day’s work for once in his life. While Trump brags that he’s a “master negotiator,” Maher straight-up kills the future president with a bomb. This is somehow way less funny than it sounds.

But while all of the above is bad enough, nothing else is quite as brain-meltingly abysmal as having to watch Bill Maher dirty dancing in a 1990s nightclub. Enjoy:

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter (if it still exists by the time you’re reading this). 

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