15 of the Best J.B. Smoove Jokes and Moments on His 57th Birthday

No matter what J.B. Smoove does, it’s always a good time. His superhuman level of charisma makes him a perfect fit for everything. So to honor this man’s genius and celebrate his 57th birthday, here are 15 of our favorite jokes and moments from his 30-year-plus career.

On Why Cops Are So Pissed Off

From his first hour-long comedy special, That’s How I Dooz It, released in 2012. If you want to check out the entire thing, it’s currently streaming on Paramount+.

He’s Got Both Marvel and DC Street Cred

In addition to his voice work as Black Manta on Teen Titans Go! and Frank the Plant on Harley Quinn for DC, Smoove has memorable appearances in both Marvel’s Spider-Man: Far From Home and No Way Home as Peter Parker’s teacher, Mr. Dell. Frankly, we’d watch an entire movie of Mr. Dell blaming every event in the MCU on witches.

On Self-Defense

“I know I can’t fight, that ain’t my thing. No, my thing is pressing charges. As soon as I start losing, I am calling the police: ‘Let me tell you something, brotha— SMACK! Ooh, you’re going to jail. You messed with the wrong guy— SMACK! You’re going to jail! SMACK! You almost broke my nose— SMACK! You’re going to jail! What you say— SMACK!’”

You May Recognize His Voice from GTA V

If you play Grand Theft Auto V, Smoove is the voice of Chakra Attack host Dr. Ray De Angelo Harris on the West Coast Talk Radio station. If you’re in between missions, it’s worth checking out. A spirituality guru/radio host who keeps losing his shit on callers? Perfect voice casting. The second episode on the enhanced version of GTA V gets even crazier.

On Kidnappings in L.A.

His Turn as Frederick Douglass on Epic Rap Battles of History

How’s this for serendipity? The guys behind Epic Rap Battles of History wanted to do a video featuring Frederick Douglass for a while but never could figure out who to ask to play the part. One night they were presenting an award at an event, and the host was Smoove. They met backstage, and Smoove told them he was a huge fan. Then the wild, unprompted part: He said he really wanted to be in one of their videos and that he wanted to play Frederick Douglass.

On His Day at the ‘Kirkus’

His Time on SNL

Smoove was a writer on SNL from 2003-2006, and during his time there, he’s fondly remembered for coming up with some of the funniest pitches that never made it to air. SNL really needs to bring him back to host the show and finally let some of these sketches see the light of day:

A fake sports documentary about the career of the first NFL football player to smack another man on the ass after a good play.
A police detective who solves crimes by drinking the suspect’s urine.
A Subway employee who used to work as a bank teller, and couldn’t get out of the habit of licking their fingers before counting bills, and would do so when handling the sliced meats and cheese.
A commercial for the “All Day Cigarette,” a really long cigarette that lasts the whole day. The twist is, it’s really an ad for a broom and dustpan to sweep up the ashes.
“Helicopter Family,” a dinner sketch featuring a family of helicopter pilots who talk way too loud and instead of walking, they always duck down and run.

On Hockey

“I am addicted to hockey now. I’ve seen it on TV, but to be there? I had no idea that white people were having so much fun without me.”

On Pet Peeves

“You ever be talking to somebody, and they’re spitting in your face while they’re talking? They see the spit and keep on talking. I’m saying, ‘Hey! We both saw this coming out of your mouth! Ain't nothing more important than the spit on my face! And that better not be no piece of food — what the hell is this, a piece of steak? I’m a vegetarian! If this landed in my mouth, I’d have to start all over again. Twelve years down the drain for a piece of steak. Open your mouth, open your mouth! Yeah, eat your steak.’”

On Hot Weather

“I just left Phoenix, Arizona — 115 f–king degrees! 115 degrees is every man for himself. I’ve seen two dudes about to fight one another. One guy’s like, ‘F–k you, what you wanna do? You want some of this, huh? I’ll whoop your ass! Let’s bring it inside! I'll f–k your ass up once we get in this office building.”

His First TV Appearance

On Dieting

“I’m on my version of the protein diet, but there ain’t no protein in it. It’s a Krispy Kreme doughnut between two Cinnabons. And you soak it overnight in Red Bull. Then you chase it with a Snickers.”