Michael McIntyre

Michael McIntyre


Google Earth is amazing. They’ve photographed every road in the world and put them on the computer. You just type it in and you go there. You sit in front of the computer and you think, ‘I can go anywhere in the world. Where shall I go?’ And we all come to the same conclusion: ‘My house.'”

Paul F. Tompkins

“So I go and I get a job at a video store. There I was back behind a counter…angry…full of self-loathing. And I just couldn’t make this fun for myself anymore. So I started stealing.”

David Spade

David Spade on celebrity d*ck pics: “Like oh my god, please don’t look at my d*ck pics. Here’s the link. And you know it’s linked because you never see an actor with tiny wiener get those pictures leaked.”

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