The government of China is not exactly known for its chill, laissez-faire approach to media. There’s a whole heap of stuff you’re not allowed to bring up there, and will be censored with the grace of a drunken seal. Whether it’s acknowledging that homosexuality exists, or acknowledging that Taiwan exists… basically, China has a laundry list of things that you are not allowed to say are real. I have no idea if this article is even readable in China, or whether Cracked dot cn is just 200 listicles on the 15 Undeniable Reasons Why The People’s Republic Of China Will Never Fall.

Blockbuster movies, regardless of the size of the studio putting them out, aren’t immune to the edit-happy red pens of the Chinese censors either. Not to mention that the massive money the country provides in revenue pretty much requires they grin and bear it, and say things like “All the Avengers agreeing Captain America is a weak and antiquated hero is actually a great change.” However, the latest movie to be released as a #ChinaCut is raising eyebrows because of just how innocuous and strange the edits are. The movie we’re discussing is, unfortunately, Minions: Rise of Gru

Also, SPOILER WARNING for Minions: Rise Of Gru, if that is something that affects your life.

The ending of Rise Of Gru, as intended, features Gru and a character named Wild Knuckles setting off into the sunset to be evil for the foreseeable future, after Wild Knuckles fakes his own death. Apparently, the message that the villains won was unacceptable. Even though this is a Minions movie, meaning it’s about a group of little yellow guys whose job is to work for the world’s most evil person. Also that it’s a prequel about the titular supervillain, which kind of requires him to make it out of the movie.

Universal Studios

I'm told this is Gru.

Chinese censors did not care about any of that. Chinese viewers of Rise Of Gru will instead be treated to an alternate ending: text title cards that say that Wild Knuckles is in jail now and Gru has 3 kids and is a great dad who doesn't do bad stuff anymore. To be precise, it says that Gru returned to his family and that his greatest accomplishment is being the father to his three girls. They just straight up iMovie’d in that Gru is actually good. Real “Poochie Died On The Way Back To His Home Planet” vibes.

Usually, Chinese censorship carries a backstory that’s entirely unfun to think about. However, this one I think we can all enjoy just for the bold-faced, all-caps “NO” spirit of it. Not to mention we are now treated to a strange alternate universe. The universe of Papa Gru and his three delightful daughters, while the Minions, we have to assume, have sought out someone else evil to assist. Probably Hitler.

Top Image: Pixabay/Universal Studios

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