Spoilies! ‘House of the Dragon’ is out and its ultra gore aesthetic means that most of the episode should be watched with your hands over your eyes if you ever want to be in a joust for some reason or have kids in the future for any reason. But there was something in Sunday’s episode that was more horrible to see than any open, festering wound. More awful to behold than any pile of dismembered limbs. And more baffling than the thought process behind showing a full on C-section. The wigs.

For the tow-headed Targaryen clan it looks like they rifled through the Lord of the Rings costume department from 2001 and said “gimmie all them elf wigs” and then barely bothered to brush them. Matt Smith’s acting is fantastic as always and he absolutely carries the show. But when he first appears on the Iron Throne he looks like a Legolas knock off toy made in a sweatshop.

HBO

Doctor who ok'd this?

Why is everyone’s hair so flat? Why so many half ponytails? The whole cast looks like they’re Mormon middle school girls after a rigorous soccer practice. Besides the objectively ugly styling, even if everyone in the Targaryen family has the exact same color of tortured, plastic looking locks, maybe try giving one of them a slightly different texture. The actors they’ve cast don’t look at all related so what are we doing here? Go into any drag brunch in the country and you’ll find a stronger wig game than this show which cost upwards of 100 million dollars to make. Guess they blew it all on the fake blood and pus budget. It looks like 20 minutes before they were about to start shooting, someone yelled ‘Sh*t! They’re all supposed to be blonde!’ and sent a PA running to party city to buy whatever plastic barbie wigs were left over from Halloween. Every time a dragon comes on screen it makes you nervous because mf’s hair is looking FLAMMABLE. 

The costumes are impeccable with the epaulette and shoulder detail game alone being worthy of the Met red carpet. Napoleon could never. But cast even a cursory glance at wigtok and you’ll see hundreds of wig technicians and hair stylists giving people natural looking do’s. But the wigs in House of the Dragon are a straw colored mess of don’t. I cannot wait for next week.

Until then, check out why human feet are washing up in Canada or why Metaverse is doomed.

HBO

I don't want to touch it.

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