Magic: The Gathering is full of nasty monsters. (And wonder and unlimited potential and fun with friends and strangers.) But still, a lot of nasty monsters. The art of Magic: The Gathering is what originally draws many players of all ages to pick up the cards, learn the complex rules, and start playing. But this one creature card, for a lot of reasons, is nasty as hell. 

Magic: The Gathering, aka MTG (definitely not Marjorie Taylor Greene) has cards that run the gamut from incredibly sexy to incredibly creepy. If you saw this version of Elvish Ranger, for example, you’d probably be all in. 

Hasbro | Wizards of the Coast

H-hi… Do… do you come here often?

But then there’s other cards. Cards that make you question your sanity. Cards that make you double check the shadowy spaces in your apartment. Cards that make you buy sensor LED lights to go under your stairs so you know for sure there is no Wicker Witch waiting under there to grab your fat little ankles as you trot down for a midnight pee. 

Hasbro | Wizards of the Coast

She's gonna get ya!

It’s been said that Brain Maggot is the most disgusting creature in MTG. That’s wrong. Sure Brain Maggot is disturbing, sure it evokes the opposite physical reaction to ASMR, but it doesn’t even show the full extent of the creature. 

Hasbro | Wizards of the Coast

It just wants to cuddle your mind.

Abomination is disturbing, sure. No skin always seems to creep people out. But at the end of the day, it’s really just a guy with a lil’ smile on his face. Nothing too scary about that is there? No, he’s just a friendly, melting friend!

Hasbro | Wizards of the Coast

No skin? No problem!

And so, dearest reader, we present to you the actual most disgusting creature in Magic: The Gathering. Revillark.

Hasbro | Wizards of the Coast

ABSOLUTELY NOT. Can you imagine what it would feel like to put your hand in that? You are now I bet.

That’s right. This nasty elemental is actually the worst. IT’S JUST WINGS. WINGS AND EGGS. Plus it’s got plants growing on it. Can you imagine the smell? The card shows actual birds flying around it, so we know that on the Celtic mythology inspired plane of Llorwyn, birds exist. So this elemental is the equivalent of just a mass of arms with some fertilized ovaries and mold festering in the central mass. I truly hate it so much. Luckily the card is less than a dollar so you can snag one for cheap and gross yourself out any time. Unless you want to illegally print one of your own.   

Get the Cracked Daily Newsletter!

We've got your morning reading covered.

Tags

Forgot Password?