20 Key & Peele Jokes For The Hall Of Fame

20 Key & Peele Jokes For The Hall Of Fame

Key and Peele brought an energy and originality to the sketch comedy scene that hadn't been seen since the early 2000's. The sketches showed highlighted national racial issues, political satire and even gave us an insight to Peele's future horror ambitions. Here are 15 jokes from some of our favorite sketches.

Substitute Teacher

Sub: “Ba-la-kay. Where is Ba-la-kay at? No Ba-la-kay here today?

Blake: “My name’s Blake.”

Sub: “Are you out of your God d*mn mind?”

I Said Biiii*ch

Daryl: “I looked this woman in the eye and I said, *looks over shoulder* biiiiii*ch.”

Craig:  “You said bi*ch, though?”

Daryl: “Hm? Yeah…”

Auction Block

Slave 1: “Ok, well you have to buy that dude.”

Slave 2: “It’s a no-brainer.”

Slave 1: “I mean that guy's huge.”

Slave 2: “Anybody would buy him.”

Slave 1: “I’d buy him.”


Without a doubt the best joke from this sketch is the whisper-screaming fight culminating in what appears to be fellatio miming. 


Rafi: “Guys, who f*cking cares how much I slap-ass? So what, I slap-ass? Big deal man I’m a f*cking baseball player. That's what we do. We f*cking hit home runs and slap-ass.”

Baby Forest

Baby Forest Whitaker: “This is a baba. I want Mama’s milk. Why can’t I have Mama’s milk? It’s a simple request.”

A Capella

“Do you have any idea how long it took me to infiltrate this group? 25 minutes.”

Pizza Order

Pizza Worker to non-existent Claire: “The moment had that unspoken connection about the cheesy crust. I realized that you were always the one. Because and I know this sounds corny because that moment was just like simple.”

Pizza Orderer Making Up Claire: “...Oh my God Claire just got shot!”

East/West College Bowl

“Let’s not forget the tight ends, Ibrahim Moizoos and Hingle McCringleberry. They’ve both had amazing seasons.”

Obama Meet & Greet

White House Staff: “This is John O’Rourke”

Obama: “Nice to meet you, John”

White House Staff: “Ian Roberts”

Obama: “Nice to meet you.”

White House Staff: “Peter Atencio.”

Obama: “Alright, nice to meet you.”

White House Staff: “Jerome Smith.”

Obama: ”C’mon, brother. What’s up fam? You know this.”

Meegan, Come Back

Boyfriend: “I’m gonna throw this jacket in the water!”

Meegan: “Oh nice. That’s really nice.”

Boyfriend: “What do you want me to do, Meegan!?”

Meegan: “Kiss my butthole, okay?”

Anger Translator

Obama: “Luther, rope it in.”

Luther: “Dial it back Luther, damn.”

Black Ice

“It’s scary, tricky, ruthless stuff that black ice. A perfectly safe neighborhood can be suddenly terrorized by the appearance of black ice.”

“For the record black ice never chose to be out here.”

High On Potenuse

Joe: “Good thing I got a 90-degree dangle!”

Teacher: “Joe stop it! You will never be Troy!”

Proud Thug

“You ain’t never gonna catch me sitting in no chairs.”

Gideon’s Kitchen

Chef Gideon: Well Drew, I have a huge problem with this dish. It’s that you haven't made it for me sooner.”

Drew: “Thank you, Chef.”

Chef Gideon: “Because if you had, Drew, then I would know how good you are at cooking food, that is bad.”

Retired Military Specialist

Decker: “I made a vow never to kill another human being. Sorry General, you’re going to have to find someone else.”

General: “Oh. We weren’t thinking you’d do it. We were hoping you could recommend someone for the job.”

Decker: “I guess I could come out of retirement.”

General: “No need. Just a recommendation will do.”

Decker: “Alright, I’ll do it.”

Continental Breakfast

“And who are you, my little friend? Not a spoon, not a fork, but something inbetween. A fpoon. What will you think of next, Germany?”


Dr. Gupta “Would you like to play with your favorite basketball team? What about be superman for a day?”

Liam: “I wish to drown a man.”

Insult Comic

“Make fun of the burns.”

My favorite Key & Peele sketch of all time.

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Top Image: Comedy Central


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