15 Foods With Different, Terrible Names Outside The U.S.
As an American, we are raised from pretty much our first waking moment to think that the world revolves exclusively around us. Though a nation with a relatively new pedigree compared to many around the world, it’s the lens that we are raised to view the world through. That’s how we do it around here, with our wildly expensive textbooks and mediocre school system.
That tunnel vision can lead to some surprises, though, when we periodically remember there’s a whole other planet out there. A planet with different viewpoints and experiences, including people raised on foods we may have our own unhealthy American relationship with, just with a name we’ve never heard.
Here’s 15 foods with different names outside the U.S.
Cool American Doritos
I’m not sure if the idea of a “ranch” is just something that doesn’t effectively cross oceans, but the Cool Ranch Doritos that are the highest form of currency in lunchroom bartering are known outside of the U.S. as “Cool American Doritos.” Which sort of just sounds like what an exchange student would call them anyways.
In Australia, the fast food chain known for the Whopper and violating God’s will by turning chicken into fries isn’t called Burger King. When they opened there, there was already a restaurant in Adelaide with that name. So, they went to the natural next conclusion: Hungry Jack’s.
It’s not delivery, it’s… Delissio? Yes, in Canada, famously disappointing frozen pizza brand DiGiorno is known as Delissio, a name that truly scrapes the bottom of the barrel as far as effort goes. It’s like they just asked one guy to pretend he knew Italian and then broke for lunch.
If you’re looking for Dove Chocolate in the U.K., you’ll be looking for a long time. But what you might find is the United Kingdom rebrand, known as “Galaxy” chocolate. Unclear if people were concerned that there were morsels of genuine dove meat tucked into the candy bars, or what.
In one of the more unnecessary feeling variations in brand, we look, of course, to Canada. Up there in Mooseburg Kraft Macaroni & Cheese is known simply as Kraft Dinner. Which is… such a broad noun to use for something that already has a name. But apparently they love this weird, dumb name so much it’s even evolved into the abbreviation KD.
Kraft Cheesey Pasta
When it comes to dumb names for Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, here comes the United Kingdom to ask Canada to hold its pint. Their name for Kraft Mac & Cheese is… Kraft Cheesey Pasta. I mean sure, that’s TECHNICALLY what’s going on here. But I don’t have to like it. Including your weird, British spelling of “cheesy”. 0/10
Not satisfied with making you confused about chips versus crisps and turning every potato craving into a puzzle, Britain also decided you shouldn’t be able to call potato chips by the brand name. Lay’s doesn’t exist across the pond, known as “Walker’s” instead.
Now, the name “Smarties” is already fairly arbitrary when it comes to candy. Though there’s not much to say about a candy that’s a distillation of the purest form: just pucks of compressed sugar in a little sleeve. Despite all this, the fact that they’re called “Rockets” in Canada is still dumb as hell, in my opinion.
Rice Bubbles? What the hell, man. That is just straight up an unappetizing way to describe Rice Krispies. They’re Rice, and they’re Crispy. Well, Krispie. Whatever. I don’t know what axe Australia has to grind with our delightful misspelling of crispy in particular, but this one is dumb. Fix it.
In a variation so close as to be maximally confusing, the yogurt brand Americans know as Dannon is known everywhere else as Danone. Apparently, the company changed the name when it came to the U.S. to avoid mispronunciation. Which, you know what? Fair. We’re not exactly known for our worldly tongue.
I don’t know if Britain is just taking every possible precaution to make sure people keep buying their gross Cadbury chocolate instead of our deeply superior American chocolate, but they absolutely messed the bed with a couple different candy bar names. They have a candy bar called a Milky Way… but it’s basically a 3 Musketeers. Want an American Milky Way? That’s closest to a Mars Bar. It’s making me mad even writing this.
Coca Cola Light
Diet Coke is known as Coca Cola Light in multiple countries outside of the U.S. When you start to think about it, this is honestly a little more sensical than suggesting that Coke of any variety is part of a diet regimen.
I have no idea what “Twix” means. As far as I know, it’s just a nonsense word somebody in a chocolate factory made up. Despite that, I will go to my grave defending it as a better name than “Raider,” as Twix was known in Germany for many years.
In Quebec, there are some regulations requiring restaurant names to be in French. From this, Kentucky Fried Chicken becomes Poulet Frit Kentucky. From there, when Kentucky Fried Chicken became KFC, Poulet Frit Kentucky became PFK. Poulet Frit Kentucky may be a little weird, but it’s DELIGHTFUL to say to yourself in a Cajun accent.
I despise mayonnaise with every fiber of my being. You can keep your nasty little whipped eggs to yourself, please. But regardless of my deep hatred, Hellmann’s is an entirely better name for mayo than “Best Foods” which sounds like a mayonnaise manufactured by the government of North Korea.
Top Image: Kentucky Fried Chicken/Nestle