13 Jeff Ross Roast Jokes For The Hall Of Fame

The Roast Master General's best work so far.
13 Jeff Ross Roast Jokes For The Hall Of Fame

The Roast Master General himself, Jeff Ross, is the  king of modern insult comedy. No one else has the ability to say the most offensive thing possible, and still get a hug from the person right after. Jeff Ross’ teddy bear physique and face mixed with his deep burns create the perfect chucky doll of insults. Here are 13 of our favorite Jeff Ross roast jokes.

On James Franco:

James Franco Grandma Roast

Comedy Central

“How about a hand for James’ grandma, 91 years old. 127 hours is how long she has left.”

On Peter Dinklage:

“Peter Dinklage is a friend of mine. He's such a good actor. You know he’s actually 6’3? He lost 3 feet for that role. Peter Dinklage won an Emmy for that role but it looked like an Emmy won a Peter Dinklage.”

On Shaquille O’Neal:

Shaq Roast

Capstone Entertainment

“Shaq, you look good. Your knuckles look scraped, did you walk here? No, I'm teasing you, Shaq. You were great in The Green Mile.”

On Drew Carey:

“Ladies and gentlemen, Drew Carey is to comedy, what Mariah Carey is to comedy.”

On a US Army Member:

Jeff Ross Roasts the Military


“What about this guy? Do you know this guy right here?”

“Not at all.”

“You don’t recognize him? He was on To Catch A Predator.”

On Guillermo From Kimmel:

Guillermo and Jeff Ross


“I wanted to check out your office. It’s like Trump built the wall just around you.”

On A Street Spiderman:

Jeff Ross Roast Spiderman


“My Spidey senses tell me you’re gonna make 4 dollars today.”

On Belinda Carlisle

Linda Carlisle Roast


“Belinda Carlisle from The Go-Go's I love you. I love the way you’re dressed like a hooker from Battlestar Galactica.”

On Shaquille O’Neal Again:

“Face it Shaq, you are Gigantic. That suit is bigger than the one against Harvey Weinstein.”

On Alec Baldwin and Caitlyn Jenner:

Caitlyn Jenner Roast

Comedy Central

“I love all your movies Alec, I loved you in The Departed, which is also what Caitlyn calls her penis. I also loved you in The Cooler, which is where Caitlyn keeps her penis. And of course your first big break was The Hunt For Red October. Which is also what Caitlyn calls her vagina.”

On Alec Baldwin:

Alec Baldwin Roast

Comedy Central

“Alec I first saw you in the movie Pearl Harbor, which was worse than the actual Pearl Harbor. Halfway through I was rooting for the Japanese.”

On Chris Redd and Kenan Thompson:

Chris Redd Roast

Comedy Central

“If you don’t know Chris Redd’s work from Saturday Night Live, he does all the impressions that Kenan is too fat to play.”

On Peyton Manning:

Peyton Manning Roast

Comedy Central

“I just got Peyton Manning’s new book. It's called ‘Football Good, Fire Bad.’”

With all the comedians that are being taken from this world lately, someone keep an eye on Jeff Ross, because he may roast God into creating another plague.

For exclusive ComedyNerd content and more, subscribe to our spiffy newsletter:

Sign up for the Cracked Newsletter

Get the best of Cracked sent directly to your inbox!

Top Image: Amazon


Scroll down for the next article
Forgot Password?