5 Video Games For The Bitter And Cynical

So. You woke up today, body aching a little bit more than it did yesterday, looked at the grey light coming through your window; shambled your way to the bathroom, purposefully avoiding eye contact with yourself in the grimy, spattered mirror. Time to prepare yourself for another day of harsh sameness. There’s not much on the horizon, and the past? The past is full of regret. You’ve been chewed up and most days it feels like the world is still biting down, preparing you for the final gulp into the dark.

You, buddy, are bitter.

Good news! You don’t have to engage with reality anymore. You can escape through art, lovingly made by thousands of hands over years of purposeful craftsmanship. Yes, of course I’m talking about video games friend, why do you ask? These games are as bitter and grizzled as you are. You’ll like them I promise.

1 Red Dead Redemption 2

If there’s any good folk in the West, they’re sure to be dead or run off soon enough. There’s nothing but hard truths and cruelty out on the plains. You’ll fall in love with one of the best video game soundtracks in years. And the best Western game ever made. Feel your ennui reflected in the handsome, glassy eyes of the ultimate cowboy, Arthur Morgan. You can play like you’re looking for redemption, but hey, you’re as bitter as olde time-y cough medicine, and this is just a game. Why shouldn’t you see the world bled dry?

2 Call of Duty

I don’t know man, this game’s great I guess. Hundreds of thousands of players can’t be wrong right? Go in and get wrecked by someone younger, cooler, and richer than you’ll ever be. The feel of defeat will remind you of pulling up your coat collar against a cold rain; it’s the perfect place for your bitterness.

3 Crusader Kings 3

Forget the cruel world, all that matters is your precious dynasty.

This game is so complicated (and delightfully, gaspingly fun and rewarding) that you’ll forget your bitterness. You’ll navigate a dynasty; ensuring your legacy and creating lasting alliances over generations. Hundreds of years pass as heirs carry on and scheme and fight and love, until eventually, it all goes black. Learning the game’s systems is a rewarding, long, long process that can absorb you so entirely, you’ll forget you’re as bitter as microwaved coffee.

4 Disco Elysium

Come here to find a kindred spirit, who’s worse off than you are. This is the most bitter of all the games on this list. You’re a washed up has-been who maybe never even was, and so is the protagonist of this bitter, stylish, dark, ride of a game.

5 Plague Inc.

Oof buddy, you reached the end of the list. After I told you that the bitterest game was #4? Wow, you really are bitter. And after the pandemic too? Yikes. Well, Plague Inc. is fun as hell. You play as a virus trying to decimate humanity. Sound… uh, sound familiar?