The Matrix Resurrections is finally coming out, boasting the high-concept premise: “What if an elaborate computer simulation containing Keanu Reeves wasn’t rushed and full of body horror-like glitches?” Unlike other Matrix movies, the new sequel doesn’t have a bunch of crass promotional tie-in campaigns – with the exception of a new Matrix deal at Denny’s. Sadly it doesn’t include any Matrix-themed food, like chocolate orgasm cake or a Grand Slam made of the liquified corpses of your elders.

Back when the first sequel, The Matrix Reloaded, hit theaters, on the other hand, there was a veritable tidal wave of Matrix-based merchandise, from the DVD anthology of animated short films to a video game companion to … some crappy phone? While the cellphones used in the first movie were real-world phones, the ones used by our scrappy band of heroes in Reloaded were funkier products specifically made for the movie. 

So to capitalize on Matrix-mania, in 2003, Samsung released a line of “Matrix phones” designed to look just like they did in the new movie. These things were even advertised on TV by Morpheus himself, who, apart from his penchant for offering strangers unidentified pharmaceuticals, seemed like a pretty trustworthy guy.

Unfortunately, a lot of fans were “disappointed” by the Matrix Phones because, while they looked appropriately futuristic, even for a cellphone from 2003, they sucked pretty hard. The phones didn’t have Bluetooth capability or an MP3 player – they didn’t even have a simple camera. Most egregiously, the Matrix Phone couldn’t connect to the internet. Really? This was supposed to be a phone used by elite, black leather-clad hackers, not your technophobic Great Aunt. However, the phone did contain images and sound clips from The Matrix Reloaded.

Meaning that while you wouldn’t be able to take any pictures of your friends and family, you’d at least have a healthy crop of snapshots of Keanu and Carrie Ann-Moss at that erotic post-apocalyptic rave.

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Top Image: Warner Bros. 

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