We (Sorta) Had Our First Woman President Thanks to a Colonoscopy
It may have taken 225 years, four impeachments, and several close encounters with nuclear war, but it seems that “we did it, Joe" – for a brief moment on Friday, Vice President Kamala Harris was upgraded to President Kamala Harris – well, sorta.
On today's installment of “colonoscopies making dreams come true,” President Joe Biden temporarily transfered his presidential powers to Harris at precisely 10:10 a.m. before undergoing a routine colonoscopy a day shy of his 80th birthday on Saturday, marking the first woman and the first woman of color to serve as President of the United States in a major U.S. first. Although it is unclear whether or not this power included the ability to forcibly pawn off some M&Ms and a shoehorn that may or may not actually be a presidential ice cream scoop on teen pop star, Olivia Rodrigo, it is clear how, exactly, she spent her time as the defacto leader of the free world – chillin' adjacent to the oval office.
"Following the process set out in the Constitution, President Biden will transfer power to the Vice President for the brief period of time when he is under anesthesia," White House Press Secretary/vocal Space Force critic Jen Psaki said in a statement, adding that "The Vice President will work from her office in the West Wing during this time."
As of 11:35 a.m. EST, however, Biden had emerged from the procedure "in good spirits," per a tweet from Psaki, and regained his power.
Although this power transfer was particularly momentous, colonoscopy-related promotions are far from a rare occasion. For instance, back in 2002 and 2007 former President George W. Bush temporarily transferred power to then-Vice President
Christian Bale in a fat suit, Dick Cheney. Legend has it that Cheney was never more turned on than he was in those sweet, sweet moments in which Dubya started counting back from 10 in the pre-op waiting area -- well, that while committing a series of alleged war crimes, probably.
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