CBS To Launch Most Punchable Reality Show Ever, 'The Activist'

"Sarah, your TikTok dance was atrocious. Those impoverished children will just have to starve, now." - Julianne Hough, probably
CBS To Launch Most Punchable Reality Show Ever, 'The Activist'

If Kim Kardashian throwing a tantrum over losing her earring in the ocean, follower counts becoming a notable plot point on this season of Bachelor in Paradise, and, well the existence of Sexy Beasts wasn't enough to convince you we've reached the end times of reality TV, it seems yet another program has emerged as the final horseman of the pop culture apocalypse -- CBS's new unscripted series, The Activist.

Centered not around singing, dating, or dancing, but the storied art of digital virtue signaling and kissing rich people's asses, the premise of The Activist, which is produced by advocacy group Global Citizen as well as CBS and Deviant Media, is both simple and terrifyingly dystopian. Throughout the show's five-week run, advocates for the issues of health, the environment, or education, will duke it out in a series of "missions, media stunts, digital campaigns, and community events" with the goal of “garnering the attention of the world’s most powerful decision-makers, demanding action, now," ultimately progressing to speak with “world” leaders at the G20 summit. “There, they will meet with world leaders in the hope of securing funding and awareness for their causes,” according to Deadline, who informed the world of this monstrosity earlier this week. 

Contestants will be judged by a panel of celebrities exclusively known for putting Mother Theresa to shame with their unwavering dedication to activism, including Usher, accused nuclear war enthusiast Priyanka Chopra Jonas, and one-time blackface connoisseur Julianne Hough. Although participants will have their “success measured via online engagement, social metrics, and hosts’ input,” – nothing can solve education inequity quite like likes and comments –  according to the show's description, whoever ultimately secures the “largest commitment” will win. 

Because as everyone knows, the best way for large corporations, a charitable organization, and three millionaire celebrities to help those in need is by forcing online activists to relentlessly shmooze and beat their competition in a social media popularity contest – especially that sonofabitch trying to save the rainforest – to determine who’s truly worthy of a Salvation Army-like donation typically reserved for sending a random rich kid to space with Jeff Bezos

As they generally are with shows centered around sucking up to rich people and literal performative activism, several TV fans, including Teen Vogue's Lexi McMenamin, were not too thrilled with CBS's latest offering, speaking candidly about just how – to put it bluntly -- f---ed up this series seems to be. 

“Hypocrisy and wastefulness abound,” McMenamin mused in an OpEd surrounding the show. “Just think about the salaries being paid to the already-wealthy celebrities involved, the cost of the international travel that’s baked into the show’s premise, the lodging and feeding of the activists, and, presumably, the price of adhering to COVID-19 protocols. All told, we’re probably talking about millions of dollars that could, you know, go directly to the countless countries still struggling to access vaccines, facing climate catastrophe, or any of the other problems for which CBS is ostensibly 'raising awareness.'”

People on Twitter, too, didn't hold back in their scathing critique, dunking on the purported challenges …

comparing it to the highly-cursed America's Next Top Model

… and joking about the one person who would be a worst host than the show's three judges. 

So, folks here's to The Activist – A social justice series so bad, that not even 10 people in Portland can get behind it. 

Top Image: CBS

For more internet nonsense, follow Carly on Instagram @HuntressThompson_ on TikTok as @HuntressThompson_, and on Twitter @TennesAnyone.


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