But, like the old saying goes, you can wash sand off an apple but you can never unroll yourself from a puddle of your own crap. No animal that waddles around in its own filth could ever be called “clean.” However, that behavior is apparently mostly due to not properly cleaning out pig pens. Pigs love to roll around in stuff, yes, but they much prefer mud to feces. They have no sweat glands, so the mud helps them cool down while acting as sunscreen AND helping them remove parasites from the skin. Wallowing, as it’s properly called, is actually their version of staying CLEAN, which technically makes it a form of “mudding,” a high-class hobby enjoyed by some of the best lawyers in the world.
This doesn’t mean that pigs are neat-freaks, though. They’re still freaks, mind; they just prefer getting dirty while getting dirty. It’s probably a myth that a pig can orgasm for half an hour because science never got around to testing that claim, despite how much David Cameron volunteered to be a part of that research (last one, we promise.) But one study did discover that “high performance boars” can ejaculate, on average, for 6 minutes. The operative word here is “on average” because it hides the emasculating truth that, in the study, one boar totally messed up the curve by firehosing the scientists’ lab for 31 minutes straight. Think about that (but not too vividly).
A pig is capable of ejaculating during the whole act of two humans doing it, from the time they take off their clothes throughout he swearing that it never happened to him before, right up until her getting an Uber and lying that she will call him. Imagine all that but, somewhere, a pig is slinging bone broth the entire time.