5 Recent Movies That Had Totally 'Huh?' Plot Twists
Sadly, a lot of recent movies have felt loose and ephemeral, so much so that we can't even remember what happened in No Time to Die and Black Widow. But while some films may seem like boilerplate Hollywood drivel, as we've mentioned before, often they're secretly chock full of pure madness. SPOILERS for movies such as ...
Dolittle Ends With a Dragon Enema For Some Reason
After bowing out of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Robert Downey Jr. followed-up his Iron Man stint with Dolittle, a big-budget movie based on the children's book series about a veterinarian who can magically converse with animals. How does this family adventure begin? With the revelation that Dr. Dolittle's wife has tragically died and, as a result, he's gone full Brian Wilson, leaving his bed only for the occasional gorilla back massage.
He soon finds out that the Queen has been poisoned and needs his help -- but Dolittle refuses because he's busy wallowing in his own despondency and, presumably, a houseful of gorilla feces.
Dr. Dolittle eventually relents, less out of heroics and more because he'll get kicked out of his sweet mansion if Her Majesty croaks. The only thing that can cure Queen Victoria, apparently, is the fruit of a magical tree on a mysterious island. The good doctor spends over an hour of screen time journeying to the "Eden Tree" only to find it guarded by a ferocious dragon! Instead of battling the beast, Dolittle notices that she has a stomachache and instead offers to help. Thus, the ending of this $175-million blockbuster involves Robert Downey Jr. extracting random pieces of garbage from a dragon's butthole (including human bones, suits of armor and a bagpipe) until it is able to release an Earth-rattling fart.
The original ending reportedly involved Dolittle's late spouse, but after realizing that the whole "dead wife" storyline was kind of a bummer for a kids' movie in which Rami Malek voices a gorilla named "Chee-Chee," Robert Downey Jr. "came up with the idea of the dragon colonoscopy/enema moment at the last minute." Why in God's name did anyone go along with it? Well according to one crew member: "When Iron Man tells you something, you listen to Iron Man." Which is likely also why nobody informed "Iron Man" that his accent was goofy as hell.
Wild Mountain Thyme Contains a Bonkers Twist
When it first hit the internet, the trailer for Wild Mountain Thyme made it look like a harmless, charming romantic comedy -- albeit with Irish accents that can best be described as a crime against humanity. When Christopher Walken is the cast member who sounds the least like the lovechild of Mrs. Doubtfire and the Lucky Charms mascot, you know there's a problem.
Emily Blunt and Jamie Dornan play Rosemary and Anthony, neighboring Irish farmers who clearly love each other but haven't done anything about it. When Jon Hamm shows up (thankfully as an American) the whole thing becomes one big love triangle -- but forget all of that because it eventually leads up to one of the strangest twists this side of "Matthew McConnaghey and Anne Hathaway are boning inside of a video game." In the final moments of the film, Rosemary demands to know why the bumbling Anthony never made a move, he replies that he's simply "off-kilter" before finally confessing, with tears in his eyes, that he believes that he is ... a honeybee.
Yeah, the dude literally thinks he's a bee. That's why he is so awkward and why he (sigh) enjoys sniffing flowers. Still, Blunt pursues him, asking, in what sounds like an excerpt from a piece of erotic Honey Nut Cheerios slash fiction: "Do I have to swat at you to get you to sting me?" It's easily the weirdest bee-based cinematic moment not created by Jerry Seinfeld.
The Ending of The Hunt Makes No Goddamn Sense
Embroiled in controversy before it was even released, The Hunt seemingly told the story of wealthy liberal elites who drugged and kidnapped blue-collar Trump supporters in order to kill them for sport. Kind of like the classic story The Most Dangerous Game but with more cheap red hats.
Of course, all this was clearly leading up to some kind of big twist -- but since the movie's original release was cancelled and its follow-up debut was abruptly interrupted by a global pandemic, we're guessing that a lot of folks may have never found out the secret behind The Hunt. Well guess what? It's super-dumb!
The kidnapped "deplorables" recognize what's happening to them; it seemingly confirms "Manorgate," an online conspiracy theory alleging that rich lefties are secretly hunting MAGA folks. We later find out that the hoax originated with a joke between CEOs on a group text. The leaked conversation not only creates the crazy internet theory, it ruins the careers of everyone involved. So why are people being hunted all of a sudden? Well, the head CEO, Athena Stone, devises a plan to create "the manor" for real. That way they can murder every single person who shared the conspiracy theory online.
Which is ... an insane thing to do? That would be like if Hilary Clinton responded to Pizzagate by actually running a human trafficking ring out of the basement of a pizza joint. We also learn that Athena mistakenly kidnapped someone who didn't post about Manorgate, but shares a name with someone who did. It's as if the movie is suggesting that the true villain in our divided America is the internet itself, completely shrugging off the notion of, you know, personal responsibility. It was bad at the time, but even just a year later, this story about MAGA conspiracy theorists who have their wildest beliefs validated and are the victims of mob violence seems embarrassingly tone deaf.
Scoob! -- Scooby-Doo Unlocks The Gates of Hell
You might think that a new animated Scooby-Doo movie would feature the Mystery Incorporated gang exploring a haunted house, or an abandoned carnival or some other sad remnant of the distressingly troubled Scooby-verse economy. But no, last year's Scoob! oddly finds its characters coming face to face with the bowels of Hell itself. First, though, the team takes an investor meeting with Simon Cowell, who looks like he came straight from a singles party onboard The Polar Express.
As for the main plot, it involves the evil Dick Dastardly trying to open the Gates to the Underworld --
He then kidnaps Scooby-Doo in order to further his quest to literally go to Hell. Why? Because the gate was famously built by Alexander the Great and Scoob is apparently the descendent of Alexander's dog. This means that only Scooby's DNA can open the barrier between our world and the realm of the damned.
By the way, none of this is ever debunked in typical Scooby-Doo fashion; there is a straight-up real Hell that almost engulfs the Earth -- not to mention some kind of magical, Satanic bloodline that apparently Scooby-Doo (and, you have to imagine, by extension Scrappy-Doo) belong to. How is it that Scoob! is less normal than the movie in which the Mystery Inc. gang tripped balls with KISS?
The Jesus Rolls -- That Big Lebowski Spin-Off Turned Out To Be a Cringey Sex Farce
With the consent of the Coen Brothers, John Turturro wrote and directed a Big Lebowski spin-off/sequel focusing on the further adventures of Jesus, the flamboyant bowler character he played in a three-minute scene we all thought was hilarious 23 years ago and then mostly forgot about.
If Jesus the ball-licking convicted sex offender seemed like an odd choice to anchor an entire movie, somehow the resulting film is even more baffling than you might expect. Fans of the classic 1997 stoner noir who turned up to see The Jesus Rolls expecting something vaguely similar were instead treated to an awkward sex farce. Why? Because The Jesus Rolls is a remake of the 1974 Gerard Depardieu comedy Going Places, which some critics have blasted for its rampant sexism. Roger Ebert called it "the most misogynistic movie I can remember" adding that "its hatred of women is palpable and embarrassing."
It sure seems like Turturro just wanted to remake the notorious French farce and only hitched the story to the Lebowski-verse in order to make this dubious project seem more commercially-viable (or as it's known today, pulling a Joker). The movie opens with a prolonged scene that painfully goes out of its way to illustrate how Jesus isn't really a sex offender. Apparently Jesus' conviction for exposing himself to an eight-year-old was just a wacky misunderstanding. We also have to watch it all play out in a flashback that is both super-uncomfortable and makes no attempt to disguise the fact that Turturro is more than two decades older than he is supposed to be.
After getting out of jail, Jesus and his buddy Petey go on a car-stealing spree, which ends unceremoniously after Petey gets shot in the balls by Emmy-winner Jon Hamm, who really needs his agent to actually read the damn scripts.
Also along for the ride is Marie, a manic pixie sex worker who joins the pair for the first of the film's multiple threesome scenes.
Perhaps not coincidentally, Turturro's previous directorial effort also featured an extended scene in which his character has a threesome (the same movie co-starred Woody Allen and was apparently made in 2013, not 65 years ago). Later Jesus picks up an ex-con played by Susan Sarandon, who thanks him and Petey for paying for lunch with yet another menage. Oh, and she randomly shoots herself in the head immediately afterwards.
Later, they befriend her ex-con son played by Pete Davidson and have to go on the run again after he tries to murder a prison guard. The Jesus Rolls bombed at the box office, meaning that we'll probably never get a movie chronicling the erotic adventures of the woodchipper guy from Fargo.
Top Image: Bleecker Street