5 Hilarious Stupid Ways To Quickly Beat Famous Games

With as fast-paced as modern life gets, so does our entertainment consumption. There's listening to podcasts at 1.5x speed to bingeing an entire six-season show in a weekend, and video games are no different. 

Video game speedrunners have a need; a need for ... something. And on that quests, they've unlocked some incredibly stupid ways to achieve their goal ...

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5
Beat Jurassic Park By Staring At Your Own Boobs

Of all the Jurassic Park games out there, Jurassic Park: Trespasser is ... certainly one of them. It might not be a good game, but it's at least known for introducing the physics-based puzzles that later ended up influencing Half-Life 2. Although that's a bit unfair, as it should also be known for introducing the first (hopefully last) health bar that's on your t-rexes. 

Electronic Arts
We're honestly amazed this wasn't the box art.
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Yes, that very conveniently placed heart-shaped tat is your health bar. Every time you get hit, a bit of your heart ink gets depleted, much like a sexy reimagining of Zelda's health meter that no one asked for.

Electronic Arts
We think making it the first game with a heads-down display.

As sad the steps that went into making it all possible is, it gets even sadder when you find out it's also the key to mastering the game. (blah blah could blah blah never asked should blah blah)

Electronic Arts
Yes, every one of the images is gonna look like this.  For what it's worth, we feel weird about it, too.
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Staring at your "health meter" while grabbing an object (in the game) and spamming the jump button enables players to jump infinitely and bypass all of the game's obstacles whilst also making the character breathe boobily. Yes, really. We'd ask how the developers could get so distracted that glitch like this could slip past them, but we already know the answer.

Electronic Arts
No, there's no glitch to make this not look sleazy.
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4
Skyrim: NeverEnding Story-ing Your Horse To Become The Flash

Developers probably dread the day they find out they'll have to code horses into their games. Half-ass the programming, and you start catastrophically breaking the laws of horse and man; full-ass it, and everyone starts mocking the realism of your horse's "dynamic testicle physics." Still, developers include horses in the game because no one is shelling out $69.99 to play Red Dead Powerwalker, and they allow for faster movement. But gamers are never satisfied, so players found an ultra weird glitch that allows for horse enabled ultra-fast travel minus the horse. 

Bethesda Softworks
"I like this open world game, but if only there was a way to skip past all this open world."
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Welcome to the world of "horse tilting." In the world of Skyrim, combining a few strategic saves with torturing your poor horse by getting it to sink into the terrain will grant players ultra speed and even flight capabilities. 

Bethesda Softworks
Warner Bros.
Yes, you're now old enough to learn what The NeverEnding Story was trying to achieve.
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While this may all seem initially impressive, you quickly realize that you are basically just engaging in pointless horse torture since Skyrim features goddamn instant travel from the get-go. Not to mention any saddle sores your character avoided will be replaced with foot blisters the size of dynamically physics-ed horse testicles.

3
Beat Dark Souls Via Teen Comedy Plotdevice

Reason Dark Souls games hate you #249:There's a stamina bar that prevents you from just spamming attacks like you would on most action games. Newbies overestimate the number of attacks they can perform, get exhausted, then get dead. But more experienced players found a way to overcome that adversity the same way all the greats do: By cheating. They've figured out a way to Freaky Friday their weapons (but minus the sadness that comes with having to deal with a child actor).

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The "moveswap glitch" goes into effect when players trick the game into thinking they've switched weapons. Though hard to activate, it allows players to carry around the most massive and hardest-hitting weapons, while making the game believe they have a light blade equipped. So essentially, you get to crack open skulls by using a 7-foot tall club with the quickness of a dagger or almond (demons can have nut allergies).

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Case in point, this guy, just destroying the hardest boss in the game in five seconds. 

Namco Bandai
Now imagine how the rest of the game goes.
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2
Turning Halo 3 Into Makeshift Looney Tunes Cartoon

Halo is pretty straight forward in what it expects you to do to beat the game. Shoot aliens, stab aliens, rinse, repeat. Turns out the addition of some Wile. E . Coyote logic can be used to skip all that shit. 

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Players can use some unassuming objects, like a grid, put them in place, and, with the help of a gigantic hammer, carefully turn them into a spring capable of propelling them straight into the next level in style.

Microsoft Game Studios
Microsoft Game Studios
Normally we'd link "I Believe I Can Fly" in this caption, except ... ya' know ... R. Kelly ...
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Even random walls can be used to allow players to jump over dozens of enemies and use the unluckiest of the bunch as a landing platform.

Microsoft Game Studios
Low gravity Leap Frog kicks ass.

But wait, that's only the start. How about using your own grenades to rocket your ass to infinity and beyond, bypassing a big chunk of the game?

Microsoft Game Studios
Let's hope Master Chief's sci-fi codpiece is as protective as it looks.
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And If throwing grenades at your own feet doesn't feel counterproductive enough, there's also this guy who hits his grenades with a hammer and is somehow rewarded with a level clear by space Darwin.

Microsoft Game Studios
Remember to only try this at home if you happen to possess a gravity hammer.
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1
Outsmarting The Outer Worlds By Being Dumb As Rocks

One would think smarts are a factor in beating games, but when it comes to beating The Outer Worlds, there's no smarter way to do so than by being an utter dumbass. At the start of the game, players get to pick character traits. They can improve their base stats, but also lower them. Why would anyone make them worse, though? That would be stupid, right? Wrong! Well ... technically, right ... but, wrong ... but ... shut up. 

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By dialing it as far back as possible when it comes to intelligence, your character becomes such a moron that the other characters in the game instantly recognize their shortcomings and make it easier for the player. Having a character whose spectrum of emotions ranges from "yes" to "hungry" to "*fart noise*" makes most character interactions much shorter, and even results in skipping entire portions of the game.

Private Division
It's not the first game to let your INT 1 ass blindly stumble into success, either.
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By tapping into the power of idiocy, Twitch Streamer Jabo beat the game in just 20 minutes. And by beat, we mean ordering a ship's AI to go manual because his character "knows numbers really good," then flying it straight into a nearby star to die. But hey, it officially counts as completing the game, so there's that.

Private Division
Private Division
"Hell yeah, I know how to drive this thing!  Hold my space beer."

Top image: Bethesda Softworks

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