Kevin Costner Was Right
Despite starring in some of the greatest movies of all-time, Kevin Costner isn't exactly an amazing actor. His talents mostly range from "washed-up Midwestern ball-player" to "12th century English outlaw who sounds like a washed-up Midwestern ball-player for some reason." And while he's currently starring in your parents' favorite TV show ...
... Costner's career had a real dip in the late '90s. But, in light of the current hellscape in which we all reside, perhaps we owe him a big-ass apology.
Costner's first big career misstep was 1995's Waterworld, which was widely considered a flop, but wasn't actually a bomb financially-speaking. Waterworld not only made more than its production costs back at the box office, but it was also a big hit on home video. However, it was a critical dud, and its mammoth costs made the movie a pop-cultural punching bag.
But in retrospect, Waterworld's post-apocalyptic tale of a future Earth in which the polar ice caps have melted and flooded the globe was a rare eco-conscious blockbuster that seems all the more prescient today when that's pretty much totally happening. Of course, in real life, this wouldn't cause the sea level to rise to the point where you would happily go live on Dennis Hopper's filthy ocean barge. Still, it was a passionate warning we all ignored in favor of other action movies that, say, warned against the dangers of face-swapping.
Two years later, Costner directed and starred in his other famous movie turd, The Postman. It told the story of another post-apocalypse (in the future year of ... 2013) and how one dude who dresses like a mail carrier to revive hope in America. Even crazier, the U.S. is in shambles thanks to a deadly plague and the rise of white supremacist militias.
Okay, so The Postman wasn't a very good movie; but in retrospect, its saccharine romanticism of the U.S. Postal Service is more vital now than ever. Costner's career suffered because he made two movies that explored pressing threats that would only increase with time. So on behalf of the planet, we're sorry we doubted you, Kevin. And on behalf of Cracked, we're sorry we made fun of your crappy Kevin Costner-themed restaurant and reminded everybody about the time a packed theater laughed at your penis.
Top Image: Universal Pictures, Warner Bros. Pictures