'Jurassic World 3' is Having Jurassic World-Like Problems

As we've mentioned before, the Jurassic Park series inadvertently serves as a pretty solid metaphor for America's response to our current predicament, continually opening potentially-dangerous businesses even in the wake of death-filled calamities. Further propelling things to "high school creative writing class" levels of being too on-the-nose, even theme parks have controversially re-opened. It leaves us wondering if the next Jurassic World movie will feature a promotional video in which all the employees who weren't previously eaten by dinosaurs cheerfully brag about the park's safety features.

One of the enterprises to press on during the pandemic has been the third Jurassic World movie itself, despite that sort of hubris being actively discouraged in literally every other film in the franchise. Even though the production boasted a crapload of fancy new safety features, things seem to have hit a snag. While no rogue employees deactivated every hand sanitizing station while making off with footage hidden inside a shaving cream can, Universal has reportedly decided to change the "scope" of their location shooting in Malta. Why? Well, four crew members "tested positive for coronavirus," and others are now in isolation.

The production in Malta has switched "from a first unit crew to a second unit one" presumably to protect the health and safety of Chris Pratt but not, you know, the less handsome/more expendable, technicians. Good thing this film hasn't made a big point of bringing older actors that might be in dang-- Oh, wait ...

Just gonna leave this here. Again.

Is all this really worth it? After all, if there's one thing this pandemic has proven, it's that folks are pretty happy just watching the original Jurassic Park ...

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Top Image: Universal