Sam Neill is a lauded actor with a career spanning 40-plus years, but we're cultureless swine, so we mostly know him as the reluctant dad figure of Jurassic Park. But there's definitely a tween out there somewhere, that recently sat down with their parents for a nostalgic movie night, got through Dr. Grant explaining the velociraptor's gory hunger for disrespectful children ...
... and said, "Isn't that the guy who posts all those cute animal videos?"
Two Paddocks, the property owned by the embodiment of everyone's favorite grumpy paleontologist, is primarily a vineyard, but he also keeps a bunch of farm animals around, apparently just to hang out with and film for social media. He names them all after his celebrity friends, allegedly so he won't be tempted to eat them but presumably also so he can say things like "Meryl Streep was killed by a ferret recently. I found her as a pile of feathers one day." It would be creepy from anyone less wholesome, but it's also not hard to read some shade into the choices if you're so inclined.
Helena Bonham Carter is a cow:
Jeff Goldblum is a horny ram.
Michael Fassbender is an overweight rooster. (Get it? Do you get it?)
IT'S A FAT COCK.
His favorite is a duck named Charlie Pickering, who gets a prominent mention in his summary of his social media philosophy: "I have to say, like many people on Twitter, there's a lot to be angry about in the world at the moment. There's a lot to be anxious about. I used to do a lot more angry posts. But there are enough angry voices as it is! What's amusing me today? It's mostly my duck." Basically, he's living everyone's best life: surrounded by wine and creepily named pets in New Zealand.
Top image: Universal Pictures