WWE Is (Of Course) Deemed Essential In Florida

As the world desperately tries to flatten the curve, we are constantly asked to review what bare minimum services society needs to survive, like hospitals, or grocery stores (but definitely not Gamestops). And for Floridians that list of essential services now includes the WWE -- because in the Sunshine State, if you can't watch live footage of Randy Orton hitting someone with an RKO out of nowhere life just isn't worth living.

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WWE Masterpiece Theater is back. After a very brief stint of airing pre-taped matches, World Wrestling Entertainment is once again allowed to broadcast live matches without an audience, which has previously given us some of the finest ever acting performances from artists with folding chair concussions. This unexpected reversal has come after Florida -- the location of the company's training center and the only place where Rey Mysterio's mask counts as a safety measure -- has given essential service status to the WWE, with Florida Governor Ron DeSantis calling WWE "critical to Florida's economy." (Which is also why meth labs are still allowed to do take-out.)

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But reopening a business in which it is physically impossible to not get drenched by three different types of bodily fluids during a viral outbreak might be considered more proof that DeSantis, a feverish Trump supporter, is not taking the pandemic seriously. The governor previously refused to shut down Spring Break, allowing the country's handiest teens to keep vomiting Jagermeister into the gene pool. It wasn't until April 3rd that he finally agreed to put the swamp state into lockdown, and not a week later DeSantis has already started backtracking, signing exemptions for two community pillars/major donors, megachurches and the WWE.

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It's a clear return to the governor's previous pandemic strategy of hoping that the social distance practices by the state's alligators and serial killers will even out the death toll.

For more weird tangents and alligator quarantine advice, do follow Cedric on Twitter.

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