Remember when a new Star Wars movie came out roughly 700 years ago? Some of us have forgotten all about The Rise of Skywalker at this point, but since petty pop-cultural disputes are oddly comforting these days, let's all return our focus to the awkward production history of a disappointing space movie, and not, say, the horrors of the real world.
Back in January we learned some of the plot details contained in the original Episode IX script, penned by Colin Trevorrow and the dude who crapped out Monster Trucks. Some of its ideas sounded way better than the movie we ultimately got, while some of them sounded way worse. Then in February what seemed to be the actual script leaked online -- and in case you didn't have time to read through an alternate, potentially fake, feature-length script for a movie you've already seen, we have just the thing. The good people over at Mr. Sunday Movies have created an animated short running down the plot of Star Wars: Duel of the Fates in less than six minutes.
The whimsical cartoon features key moments from the scrapped story; Rey's double-bladed lightsaber, her blindfolded duel with Kylo Ren, and the climax in which R2D2 literally plays the Star Wars movies for the cast of Star Wars as if they were all Charlie Kaufman characters. But while the video highlights the fact that Trevorrow's script features a cameo from Bossk the dinosaur-like bounty hunter, they somehow neglected to point out that he's living in some kind of space brothel.
Can't we just get one version of Episode IX that doesn't force us to consider the sex lives of the Star Wars galaxy's grossest inhabitants?
You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter!