Dr. Infinity, The Flexible Master Thief Who Became Famous For Sucking His Own Dick
If we told you an extremely well-endowed man named Dr. Infinity once stole Gutenberg's first printed bible, you'd naturally think that the next National Treasure sequel has truly gone off the deep end. But this is a real story of a thief with big balls, and a penis to match.
The bored look of a man who could be blowing himself this very moment.
Dr. Infinity's real name was Vito Aras. He was an acrobatic cat burglar who gained infamy for his daring theft of a Gutenberg Bible from the highly secure Harvard Library in 1969. Aras hid until closing, jimmied open a roof window, Cirque du Soleil-d down a rope, and snatched the book from its case. But Aras had underestimated how cumbersome religion used to be, and he was unable to climb back up with the 60-pound Bible strapped to his back. Left dangling, his arms eventually gave out, and a security guard found him lying in the courtyard with a fractured skull -- the massive Bible having cushioned his fall.
Amazingly, he claimed that he only wanted to borrow the invaluable Bible (it was a library, after all), and this worked somewhat. A sympathetic judge went soft on Aras, letting him go with the promise that he'd attend therapy and leave his days hanging from buildings behind him. Luckily for Aras, another big thing had been weighing him down, about 8 inches bigger than average: his massive penis. It was this dong, combined with his flexibility, that started Aras' second act as the amazing Dr. Infinity -- a stage name that makes a lot more sense when you realize his porn gimmick was to suck his own dick like an NSFW ouroboros.
Where does the dick end and the man begin?
Though his stint as the eighth wonder of the porn world was brief, he made a big splash in the New York underground scene. His auto-fellatio maneuver earned him the coveted Hunga Din Award for "Biggest Penis on Sex Screen," and it drew the attention of Andy Warhol and Salvador Dali. But for Dr. Infinity, self-pleasure was never about the money or fame; it was a key step in his plan to "become one with the universe." As Aras explained: "The release of sperm from yourself into yourself becomes the energy which can lead to infinity ... and through infinity to a new world." And honestly, if we could suck our own dicks, we'd be pretty full of ourselves too.