John Schnatter, who you might know better as the titular Patriarch Jonathan from Papa John's Pizza, recently did a bizarre interview with Kentucky news station WDRB wherein he comes off like a man whose basement walls are covered in bomb schematics and pictures of Papa John's executives with cigarette burns over the eyes.
In the interview, All-Father Jehoshaphat himself claims to have eaten 40+ Papa John's pizzas in 30 days to check in on how the company has been doing since he was fired for being super racist. Furthermore, he's recently sold tons of his remaining stock in the company that bears his name. That means that at some point in the past year, John Schnatter, somehow even moister than as he was in the interview, was likely surrounded by pizza boxes that look like they'd been ripped to shreds by a bear and screaming "SELL, GODDAMN IT! SELL!" at his stockbroker through mushy mouthfuls of pizza that possesses the mouthfeel of a stagnant peat bog.
The interview makes clear that John Schnatter is currently living his supervillain origin story. Like a true villain, he used his screen time to make cryptic threats to no one in particular. "Stay tuned. The day of reckoning will come," intoned Papa John ominously before spraying the interviewer in the face with garlic dipping sauce and flying away on his hover pizza, his evil cackle fading into the horizon.
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