No, J.K. Rowling, We Don't Want To Hear More Magic Trivia

Being an author has changed a lot in the past few decades. Thanks to the magic of the internet, fans have never had such access to their favorite writers, whom they can bombard with questions and demands to satisfy their insatiable nostalgic hunger. And some authors are more than happy to feed that strange beast, churning out more and more trivia about their fictional universes. Like J.K. Rowling. Who. Must. Stop.

Twitter The Crimes of Oversharing.

Continue Reading Below


Continue Reading Below


Inspired by the British Library's recent Harry Potter exhibition A History of Magic, Rowling's Potterverse publisher is releasing four new e-books about the world of Harry Potter. The A Journey Through series dedicates whole books to subjects like spellcasting schools, which range from Divination all the way to Defense against the Dark Arts, in order to explore "the traditional folklore and magic at the heart of the Harry Potter stories."

Which, yeah, no thank you. We already know what happens when J.K. Rowling tells us about the history of magic, and it ends with us imagining the world's greatest masters of the arcane letting poop dribble down their legs.

Continue Reading Below


Expanding a fictional universe can be thought-provoking, even game-changing. But Rowling is more infamous for creating the kind of new canon most fans would like to shoot out of the old one. Aside from great magical revelations like wizards pooping where they stand or evil snakes secretly being Korean women, Rowling has also taken a lot of heat for constantly trying to retroactively jam in diversity like an over-corrected parent trying to encourage her kids to experiment in college because she never had the guts to the first time around. It's gotten so bad that she's been called the George Lucas of literary retconning, and her Twitter outbursts have become a meme.

Continue Reading Below


Continue Reading Below


So yeah, if it's all the same, we'd rather not risk the chance of cracking open those e-books, lest we find out that the Obliviate spell causes early onset Alzheimer's, all the magic owls carry avian flu, or that Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans once made a bunch of third-graders addicted to crack cocaine.

For more weird tangents and his personal recipes for toilet wine, do follow Cedric on Twitter.

For more, check out How America Has Screwed Up Godzilla For Decades and Here's The WTF 9-Minute Trailer For 'Death Stranding' On PS4.

Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.

Follow us on Facebook. If you like jokes and stuff.

To turn on reply notifications, click here


Load Comments

More Articles

5 Screwed-Up Secrets The Ultra-Rich Don't Want You To Know

You don't make astonishing amounts of money without ending up a jerk in some way.


5 Billion-Dollar Industries That Treat Workers Like Garbage

Even our most popular forms of entertainment can treat their employees like absolute trash.


5 Underreported Dumb Annoyances Pro Athletes Put Up With

Being at the top of your game can really drag you down.


5 Acts Of Charity That Went Horrendously Wrong

The road to losing your tax exemption status is paved with good intentions.


5 Dark (But Hilarious) Times Big Tech Companies Failed Hard

Well, this is ... bleakly hilarious.


6 Very Stupid Questions With Very Smart Answers

No serious person would ask these questions ... but we got serious answers anyway.