'Pokemon Sleep' Finally Makes Parenting Obsolete

We've come a long way since the days of absentee parents leaving their kids in front of the TV all day as a cheap babysitter alternative, and a lot of the credit goes to Pokemon. Not only did the Game Boy games teach kids how to share (and shut up during long car rides), but then Pokemon Go got them to go outside and exercise. And now The Pokemon Company will finally perfect its weird vision of round-the-clock childcare with Pokemon Sleep, the first game you can literally beat in your sleep.

You cheated not only yourself, but the game. You didn't grow. You didn't improve. You took a nap and gained nothing.

The Pokemon Company"You cheated not only yourself, but the game. You didn't grow. You didn't improve. You took a nap and gained nothing."

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At a preview event, The Pokemon Company announced it will launch the new game in 2020. It's early, so details are still woozy, but the goal is to turn sleep into entertainment, allowing players to further train their Pokemon in certain ways even when they're unconscious. More importantly, according to president Tsunekazu Ishihara, Pokemon Sleep is supposed to do for sleep what Pokemon Go did for kids blocking the sidewalk with hoverboards. The game will serve to encourage sleeping while giving its young player base a reason to "look forward to waking up every morning,"

What is this, <i>Depression: The Video Game</i>?

The Pokemon CompanyWhat is this, Depression: The Video Game?

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So entertaining, educating, promoting physical activity, and now making sure people go to bed and wake up on time? All they need to do now is make a VR Onix that tells you how proud he is at your graduation, and parenting will finally become a thing of the past. At this point, it's important to note that a lot of young'uns don't get enough sleep during their formative years, which has serious health repercussions later in life. So if we can actually improve kids' well-being by letting some health app monitor them while they sleep like some CrossFit-obsessed closet monster, we should probably just lie down, close our eyes, and start counting Mareep.

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For more, check out Disney's Star Wars Land Is Here To Force-Choke Your Wallet and Take A Deep Breath, You Probably Don't Have Gaming Disorder.

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