JM McNab
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Without elaborate special effects, movies would be relegated solely to examining the human condition and grappling with the purpose of existence. Thankfully, technology is so advanced that we don't have to deal with that shit. Hollywood is free to cram its products with as many explosions, space battles, and crime-fighting Pokemon as possible. While visual effects get more convincing, at the same time, actors' jobs are becoming more and more ridiculous. Even some of the most mind-blowing spectacles are straight-up goofy as hell behind the scenes. Look at how ...
Ever since Disney got its white-gloved hands on the series, the Star Wars movies have focused more and more on practical effects, from the puppetry of BB-8 to the animatronic Porgs. Then again, they also literally used computers to raise a man from the dead, so maybe we should call it a wash. The recent Solo: A Star Wars Story similarly employed some pretty old-school techniques. And we're not just talking about how they actually cast a younger dude as Han Solo instead of, say, using CGI to paste in clips of Harrison Ford from Air Force One.
Take those Coreillian Hounds that chase Han Solo around like he's a space-mailman. They're basically the closest we're likely to get to an H.R. Giger remake of Homeward Bound.
Walt Disney StudiosStill cuter than a pug.
On set? They were regular dogs in silly costumes. Since its a Star Wars movie, we're all impressed, but seriously, if your Nana did this, you'd put her in a home.
Walt Disney Studios
Walt Disney Studios"Could we keep this photo between us? If the cat sees me like this, he'll never let me live it down."
You might even recognize two of the dogs. Not because all dogs look kind of the same, but because two of them, Saxon and Elsa, played direwolves on Game Of Thrones. This furthers our fan theory that Solo isn't canon, but rather all takes place in Jon Snow's coma nightmare.
Related: 8 Movies That Looked Hilarious (Before The CGI Was Added)
The Jurassic Park series has always wowed audiences with its groundbreaking effects, even though some of those shots of dinosaurs hunting children were in fact of guys in raptor shoes probably regretting their Julliard tuition. The most recent entry in the franchise that won't stop until Jeff Goldblum's beach house is fully renovated, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, used similar techniques. Sure, there's a lot of CGI in there, but there are also a lot of random guys in awkward dinosaur costumes. Remember Chris Pratt's raptor BFF, Blue?
Universal PicturesYou remember, the unstoppable maul monster who can somehow be controlled by a stop-hand and the implied threat of a punch in the nose.
In reality, Blue was this dude, and their unspoken bond was likely the result of a shared passion for cargo shorts.
Universal Pictures
Universal PicturesNo fooling, we'd buy a special Blu-ray solely for the Cargo Shorts Cut.
And the terrifying new Indoraptor, the genetic mash-up of velociraptor, Indominus Rex, and the sweat of a desperate screenwriter? Sometimes it was this guy wielding a giant claw.
Universal Pictures
For other scenes, the Indoraptor was represented by a guy carrying a giant dinosaur head, followed by a guy with a giant dinosaur tail, like some kind of abstract prehistoric pantomime horse.
Universal Pictures
Universal PicturesWe don't think the puppeteer really had to wear it as a hat, but how could you not?
Related: 8 On-Set Photos That Break The Spell Of Famous Horror Films
We're not going to rehash the argument over whether J.K. Rowling should have left the Harry Potter universe alone ... and that even if she didn't, she shouldn't have written prequels ... especially not ones focused on an annoying, floppy-haired zoologist with a suitcase full of equally irritating creatures. We're not going to do that. Somehow, though, the magical animals from the Fantastic Beasts series look even more off-putting behind-the-scenes -- if such a thing is possible.
Take the Zouwu. In the movie, it looked like a cross between Falkor from The Neverending Story and whatever monster dwells in Brad Pitt's shower trap. On set, it was a guy in a leotard holding what looks like a sack of soiled laundry that's sprouted dreadlocks.
Warner Bros. Pictures
Warner Bros. PicturesIn front of fake trees that seem like more of an insult than a set.
And the Thunderbird, the majestic creature which we'll one day learn from Rowling's Twitter feed transforms into a vintage muscle car at night? Nothing but a dude with a puppet head. Even the guy who played ALF put in more of an effort.
Warner Bros. Pictures
Warner Bros. Pictures"We could have painted it, but our give-a-damn budget is already exhausted."
As for the glowing, tentacled Marmite (at this point, Rowling is seemingly Keyser Soze-ing kitchen items for names), it turns out to be a sad, glowing sack, presumably full of the regrets of every '90s rave kid.
Warner Bros. Pictures
Warner Bros. Pictures"Could you try to look more wowed by that florescent light in a laundry bag? We're trying to make a movie here."
Still, you can't help but admire the work of the visual effects artists, especially the ones who had to painstakingly edit out the bangles that have permanently fused with Johnny Depp.
Related: 6 Famous Movie Moments That Look Hilarious With CGI Removed
For those who cherish the tales of Winnie The Pooh, but always wished it was more full of crushing regret and existential despair, Disney gave us Christopher Robin. In it, the lovable titular tyke grows up and abandons his friends from the Hundred Acre Wood -- who, by the way, aren't simply figments of his imagination, but actual sentient beings who are discarded like tattered old copies of Playboy.
To simulate the effect of a handful of mistreated childhood toys coming to life, Pooh and the gang were represented on set by stuffed animals propped up on metal rods which are probably metaphors for our childhood or some crap.
Walt Disney Studios"Well it took a massive team of puppeteers, but at last we can realize the magic of a rag doll left in the woods."
Other times, they were grey blobs being unceremoniously shoved in Ewan MacGregor's face.
Walt Disney Studios
And for the scenes where Pooh had to walk somewhere, the filmmakers opted to go for the decidedly less-magical "Dismembered blue torso on wheels Pooh."
Walt Disney StudiosThis is the kind of stuff Heffalumps have nightmares about.
Related: 5 More Movies That Look Deranged With The Special FX Removed
After the previous entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe forced moviegoers to slowly shuffle out of the multiplex in silence with images of galactic genocide dancing in their brains, fans were probably ready for some more lighthearted material. That's where Ant-Man And The Wasp came in. Thankfully set before Thanos got all snap-happy, the movie was full of adventure, humor, and the vague sensation that Paul Rudd is somehow sucking the life force out of all of us in some unholy bid to stay youthful forever.
But as whimsical as it was, behind the scenes, things looked even wackier. For example, the sequence wherein Scott Lang is shrunk down to Hobbit size required filming with an appropriately proportioned double in a lime-colored hazmat suit.
Walt Disney Studios
Walt Disney StudiosThat went from comedy to horror alarmingly fast.
Then they filmed Rudd separately being handed a giant knapsack by the world's least impressed crew guy.
Then they threw him in an oversized sweatshirt and had him run down a flight of pretend stairs.
Walt Disney StudiosNot enough superheroes wave their arms like a six-year-old skipping to school.
Related: 8 Serious Hollywood Scenes That Look Hilarious With No CGI
Venom, Tom Hardy's latest attempt to star in a major motion picture while obscuring his face as much as humanly possible, finds him being taken over by an evil gooey alien. (It's an adaptation of Marvel comics, not a promotional tie-in with the mysterious substance on the floor of the movie theater.) Filming the scenes in which Hardy transforms into Venom required him to gyrate wildly on an empty sound stage like he was performing some kind of avant garde modern dance.
Sony Pictures Releasing
Yeah, apparently he had to do this a bunch.
Sony Pictures Releasing"So are these motions choreographed, or will the CGI team work with what you're filming?"
"CGI? He just started doing this. We're only filming because it's funny."
Venom can hit people with tentacles of black goo, like some kind of a Play-Doh set for emo kids. In reality, Hardy had to mime the actions while his enemies acted as if they'd been physically attacked. The resulting footage looks a drunken Jedi frat party.
Sony Pictures Releasing
Or like a telekinetic intern who got fed up with their entire I.T. department.
Sony Pictures Releasing"Now wait 15 seconds and turn it back on again."
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