To flush out the mad pooper, police set up surveillance all around the field. And they caught the culprit right before 6 a.m., trousers down, fertilizing the field. Plot twist: It was the superintendent of the school district. A super pooper, if you will. Thomas Tramaglini lived about three miles away from the school, and had made a habit of running over every morning to shit on the track. Some truly pitiful defenders suggested that he was training at a high intensity and couldn't hold it, and while it's true that this is a thing which sometimes happens to marathon runners, Tramaglini wasn't competing in anything, and did this daily. Maybe he simply really hated that track team. Hey, you tell us.
Holmdel Twp. Police Dept.
It truly defies logic, especially since it cost him a $150,000 annual salary and any chance of a reference now that he has such an, ahem, shitty record. But don't let the schadenfreude set in yet -- he still managed to get severance from the school to the tune of about $100,000.