In 2017, a bizarre crime wave struck the small town of Waynesboro, Virginia. Over the course of four months, at least seven cats were abducted, shaved, and returned to their owners. The cats were completely unharmed ... physically. Rebekah Martin reported that her cat, Tigerlily, had become understandably suspicious of humans after the mystery shave. The culprit remains at large, despite the exasperated signs posted around the neighborhood.
WTVR-RichmondWe're not gonna come right out and say "Kitten Molester," but you've gotta assume.
Since the Feline Barber of Fleet Street only shaves the cats' bellies and groin areas, police have speculated that the culprit is checking to see if the cats have been spayed or neutered, but that seems like an awfully long way to go just to not mind your own business. If you ever find yourself so concerned with animal welfare that abducting and violating them starts to sound like a good idea, you're the incredibly weird supervillain of this story. Besides, Tigerlily has been shaved against her will twice, and we'd like to think the Bob Barker Stalker would keep a diligent spreadsheet of those they'd already hit.
Residents have said that they can't conclusively point any fingers, but they do "have theories." This means there's at least one person in the neighborhood being silently shunned as a suspected cat shaver.
The Mystery Pooper Of A High School Track Turned Out To Be The Superintendent
In 2018, someone was serial-shitting on the track field at Holmedel High School in New Jersey. There's just ... no other way to say that. Authorities were baffled, especially because it became a daily occurrence. The poops were too large and appearing too regularly to be from an animal, and since it was a high school, everyone quite reasonably thought the culprit was a teenager.
To flush out the mad pooper, police set up surveillance all around the field. And they caught the culprit right before 6 a.m., trousers down, fertilizing the field. Plot twist: It was the superintendent of the school district. A super pooper, if you will. Thomas Tramaglini lived about three miles away from the school, and had made a habit of running over every morning to shit on the track. Some truly pitiful defenders suggested that he was training at a high intensity and couldn't hold it, and while it's true that this is a thing which sometimes happens to marathon runners, Tramaglini wasn't competing in anything, and did this daily. Maybe he simply really hated that track team. Hey, you tell us.
Holmdel Twp. Police Dept.We've been operating under the assumption that running a school just causes you to go batshit insane.