But it almost ended with ...
If you thought the movie was out there, the finished product is a sip of Diet Coke compared to the Tony-Montana-sized pile of cocaine that is the first draft. For starters, we see Craig's former boss palling around with his boss, Mr. Flemmer. They're upset that Craig has disrupted their plans to enter Malkovich, and Flemmer reveals that he's ... the Devil?
Gramercy PicturesWhich is pretty much how we imagine the real John Cusack meeting Satan would go.
This isn't a lie, this guy is literally Satan. The Prince of Darkness then helps a rival puppeteer challenge Craig to a puppeteering contest, and if he loses, he has to leave Malkovich for good. Satan succeeds and they take over Malkovich's body. So the movie ends with the Lucifer-controlled Malkovich enslaving the audience, who proclaim "Hail Malkovich, king of the damned."
Eventually, all of humanity is ruled by the Unholy Malkovich, who roams the streets just generally being a jerk. We also learn that there is a small group of rebels fighting back against Malkovich, including Craig's wife Lotte. The movie is minutes away from ending when she reveals that she's in love with her pet monkey.
Gramercy PicturesWell, at least it's a primate.
Then, the very last shot pulls back to reveal that everyone was a puppet. It was essentially Stoned In A Dorm Room: The Movie.
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