While those involved in the study definitely got the shitty end of the research stick, all that dog poop did yield an interesting factoid. The scientists determined that dogs "preferred to excrete with the body being aligned along the North-South axis under calm MF (magnetic field) conditions." In other words, dogs like to face North or South when they take a dump or a whizz. The research proves that dogs are sensitive to the Earth's magnetic field, whether they know it or not. Who needs a compass when you've got a dog's ass?

And while we're talking about this fascinating field of study ...

Not shockingly, they found that the higher a dog lifts his leg to pee, the higher he applies his urine to the object he's taking a whiz on. What's interesting is that smaller dogs consistently lift their legs to a higher angle, thereby depositing their proprietary blend higher on their target object. Since dogs use urine markings to communicate stuff like territory or mating status (it's basically their Tinder profile, but classier), placement of a dog's "product" is important. Researchers believe that smaller dogs place their yellow marks as high as possible to make themselves seem larger and "exaggerate their competitive ability." Whether other dogs buy it or not is unclear. It's the canine equivalent of buying a 4x4. Everyone knows what you're compensating for, buddy.

And in a way, it was. Researchers determined that about 70 percent of fruit bat couples engaged in oral sex, and that intercourse for fellating couples lasted twice as long as it did for those who went oral-free. Better still, male fruit bats appear to give as good as they get, often performing cunnilingus both before and after mating. They should feel pretty special too, since aside from certain monkeys and certain humans, only these bats are known to do the ol' 69. Scientists aren't certain why bats are into oral, but they hypothesize that increased duration of intercourse could improve fertility. Or as one researcher put it, "They could just be doing it for fun." The researcher then passive-aggressively left the study on their spouse's desk and crossed their fingers, we're guessing.

This groundbreaking study determined that there are, in fact, side effects to putting a sword down your esophagus, and they're probably exactly what you'd imagine them to be. Researchers contacted 110 members of the Sword Swallowers' Association International, 46 of whom consented to take part in the study (the rest just made strange coughing noises). This produced all sorts of interesting statistics, like how many swords these people swallow at once (as many as 16), how long these swords are (up to 31 inches), and the average age at which people learn to swallow swords (25 years old).

Chris Johnson/Adobe StockIt's not too late to switch majors, college guys!

Researchers also found that the most common side effect is ... a sore throat. Pain in the chest and lungs were also commonly reported, and most injuries occurred when the swallower was "distracted" or swallowing new or oddly-shaped blades. Shockingly, nobody in the SSAI has died, but six people in the study reported tearing their pharynx or esophagus, and three had to have surgery on their necks. Three participants reported sword-swallowing-related medical bills ranging from $23,000 to $70,000. Since we're guessing insurance isn't going to cover injuries you inflict on yourself by voluntarily swallowing sharp objects, you may want to factor that in if you decide to take this up as a hobby.

The assault only ended once Moeliker managed to emerge from his can't-look-away-from-a-car-crash stupor and run off the live duck. As for why this may have happened, it appears forced mating isn't uncommon among mallard ducks, nor are same-sex couples, with up to one in ten mallard pairs being homosexual. On the other hand, this is the only known case of duck necrophilia, gay or straight, at least according to The Guardian (we're not gonna Google it). So if you see two ducks going at it, stop to check their pulses. Who knows, you might earn yourself a spot in the annals of ornithology history. Anyway, here's a dog eating pizza:

Get some biodegradable bags and please clean up after your dogs.

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