A Dairy Had To Pay $5 Million In Overtime Because Of A Missing Comma
They say the devil is in the details. That's because there's a special of hell for pedants where they're forced to read letters written by people who don't know the difference between you're and your. It's only fair, seeing as how in this mortal realm, those very same grammar Nazis will flay the skin off your back for the slightest ambiguity in your wording. And if you think we're being too dramatic, ask the Maine dairy that had to shell out millions because it didn't believe in the Oxford comma.
In 2014, angered by their dairy's shitty overtime policy, a group of drivers discovered a way to make their bosses pay. Scouring over their contracts, they noticed a tiny but exploitable loophole. In the section regarding overtime, it clearly stated that no overtime would be granted for "marketing, storing, packing for shipment or distribution" -- clearly a bad deal for people whose whole job revolves around driving shit around. However, because there was no Oxford comma present in that statement, the drivers figured that "packing for shipment or distribution" could be interpreted as receiving no overtime for packing for shipment or packing for distribution, neither of which was in their job description. They sued the dairy, figuring that from a legal standpoint, they didn't have a comma to stand on.
The group of five demanded retroactive compensation for all the grammatically proven overtime they had performed. After much legal eagle nitpicking, the court ruled in their favor, forcing the dairy to pay out a whopping $5 million to their workers in back pay. If that seems a bit excessive, well, the drivers got really lucky with the judge assigned to the case, who was so into the idea that he published a massive 29-page ruling in which he explores the legal uses of the Oxford Comma, a riveting page-turner which is available for reading if you want to spend a night getting so aroused your nipples may explode.
U.S. Court of Appeals for the First CircuitBetter lay a towel down, because it goes on like this for 6,700 smoking hot words.
Of course, us blue-collared internet charlatans applaud the truckers for taking action against the anti-labor exploitation of the milkman. We just wish it hadn't involved giving a legal precedent to those fastidious, fascistic and finicky, acrimonious, antagonistic and antisocial and smug, selfish and self-satisfied Oxford comma users.
A Texas University Congratulated Students On Their Mastery Of "Pubic" Affairs
College is a time of freedom, of experimentation, of throwing caution to the wind and going a little wild. But often this can lead to mistakes, careless moments of indiscretion that can have disastrous and long-term repercussions. Then you have no choice but to abort it fast before it ruins everything. We're talking, of course, about administrative typos.