Everyone Lost Their Minds Over "Lady Doritos"
One of the many, many stupid terms that have entered our lexicon in 2018 is "Lady Doritos" -- a new product PepsiCo supposedly announced back in February. It was reported by everyone from The Washington Post to Fox News to this article's recurring guest star The Sun. Apparently, the bags would be smaller so they could fit in a purse, while the Doritos themselves would be softer and less crunchy, so that sensible women wouldn't have to sully their delicate lady fingers eating chips too manly for them to handle.
Fox NewsThey've been pre-chewed by a man for ladies' delicate jaws.
The backlash was swift and brutal. #LadyDoritos became a trending topic on Twitter, as people jumped in to mock the laughable display of sexism. But it wasn't just liberals who lost their shit. Rush Limbaugh felt the need to defend Doritos' honor, calling Twitter critics "feminazis" in an article about the "ongoing assault on our culture."
Swept up in the controversy, Doritos "backpedaled" -- well, that's how HuffPo put it. Doritos conceded that they're "always looking for new ways to engage and delight our consumers," but stated:
Doritos via TwitterThis is the kind of revolutionary talk we'd expect to see from Taco Bell in Demolition Man.
Crisis averted! Because it never existed. It all started when PepsiCo CEO Indra Nooyi went on the Freakonomics podcast. She was asked whether the company was considering launching male and female versions of snacks, and said: "It's not a male and female as much as 'are there snacks for women that can be designed and packaged differently?'" She said they are looking into stuff like that, but didn't mention any specifics. The interview included the word "Doritos" once and "Lady" zero times.
In short, PepsiCo never actually changed their position. Meanwhile, Slate came back around and said that maybe they do want Lady Doritos, creating an ouroboros of stupidity that will eat its own tail until the end of time.
Sean Hannity Tried Really, Really Hard To Find Something Sexual About Obama's Official Portrait
When Barack Obama's official presidential portrait was unveiled, Fox News' Sean Hannity took to Twitter to warn impressionable viewers that the picture contained secret "sexual innuendo" -- specifically, hidden sperm. He used this close-up as evidence:
Kehinde Wiley/National Portrait Gallery