On the other side of the globe, a Japanese legend claims that a demon hid all up in a local lady and killed her first two husbands by, sure enough, chomping their boners. Somewhat unhappy with this turn of events, the woman seeks help from a local blacksmith, who builds a steel penis which breaks the demon's teeth (which is absolutely going to be our excuse the next time we ask our local blacksmith for an unbreakable iron dildo).
A similar iron penis legend can be found in the Indian town of Dantipur. Then there's the nearby legend from Chattisgarh, wherein the hero simply yanks a snake out of there with a stick and makes it magically fix all the dicks it had eaten.
But the gold medal definitely goes to Maori mythology, which has the hero Maui crawl into the vagina of a sleeping goddess to win immortality for humans (thanks?). Unfortunately, a bird cracks up laughing at the sight, and the goddess wakes up and bites Maui in half with her obsidian cooch fangs. And that's why we're not Highlanders. We feel like there might be some hidden subtext to all of these stories, but if so, it currently escapes us.