Until Freddie earned that name, he was no different from a rock or a pencil, as far as The Times was concerned. Then his Freddification occurred, and every copy editor in the Manhattan area had an emotional breakdown.
Dogs and chimps are more often "who"s, because they're our special babies and uncomfortable close cousins, respectively. Meanwhile, livestock animals tend to be "that"s, because thinking about the rich inner life of your dinner is no fun. In a way, every time you open your mouth to talk about an animal, you're making a judgment about its "humanity." Animal rights activists have begun arguing for a shift toward the universal usage of "who," in an attempt to remind us that even the less YouTube-able animals are still living beings.
Or we could start eating chimps. You know, even the playing field.
Mike Bedard has an English degree from UCLA, and he put it to good use for this article, baby! Follow him on Twitter so he feels even better about himself. Dan Hopper is an editor for Cracked, previously for CollegeHumor and BestWeekEver.tv. He fires off consistent A-minus tweets at @DanHopp.
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