The man who kidnapped your child has to die, despite starting the fight by telling you that he wants to talk. The game won't advance otherwise, and the only "pacifist" solution Hinckley can come up with is luring the bad guy into a minefield to whittle down his health, then letting an NPC finish him off. This is less "pacifism" and more "pacifism aggressivism," and it takes Hinckley five hours of trial and error to pull it off.
The game as a whole took Hinckley 75 hours to finish, and he only stayed peaceful on a technicality. Even then, Fallout 4 refused to acknowledge his work, as his companions go ahead and comment on his nonexistent bloodshed anyway.
"Choice" Games Don't Care If You Choose At All
Games like The Walking Dead, Beyond: Two Souls, and Tetris: Origins promise an interactive story wherein the player's every decision matters. While you can't exactly leave the zombie hordes behind and start a post-apocalyptic ballet studio, your actions supposedly do make the story play out differently. But one gamer, Adam Johnston, decided to put the game/narrative integration concept to the test ... albeit in the most damning, laziest way possible.
Johnston played Beyond: Two Souls while never touching the controller during quick time events. At one point a wild dog attacks the heroine, Jodie. It's the player's choice on how to deal with that, right? One of those choices should be "Life is oblivion, let it eat me." But no deal!
Sony Interactive Entertainment
You know it's a poorly thought-out game when they ask you to be pro-dog-punching.
It wasn't just one scene -- it was all of them. Later, when Jodie needs to drive away, she doesn't need Johnston's help to evade the cops. Beyond prompts him to press R2 on his controller and speed off, but when he refuses, the game hits the gas for him anyway.
Sony Interactive Entertainment
Beyond: Two Choices ... Kind Of ... Not Really ...
In other words, control is an illusion and the game plays with itself, which is fitting when talking about David Cage.
Meanwhile, AkariLT played the first "season" of The Walking Dead game, which has you control a man named Lee Everett during the zombie apocalypse. Throughout the game, you're prompted to pick dialog options for Lee, and the game informs you that "silence is a valid option." What it doesn't tell you is that the story unfolds the same way even if you play as an awkward, impossible mute. For example, at one point you're prompted to choose between two of your allies in an argument. If you stay silent, they don't both stop to marvel at how you actually found a way to make the situation even more uncomfortable -- the game chooses a side for you.
"Kenny's argument of rocking back and forth for 30 seconds while nothing happened spoke to me."
Silence also leads to some pretty hilarious moments, like when Lee is supposed to reassure Clementine, the little girl he's protecting. He tells her to think of something hopeful, she asks "Like what?" And he just does this:
Thus proving that games like these really only offer you the illusion of choice, despite what the marketing says. They're the virtual version of those crosswalk buttons -- doing things only makes you feel better, while the world carries on fine without your input.
Adam Koski tried to start a Let's Play channel but one thing led to another and he ended up writing a hilarious and exciting fantasy novel instead.
Love Cracked? Want exclusive content? Prefer an ad-free experience? We've got you covered. Sign up for our Subscription Service for all that and more.
Also check out The 6 Most Mind-Blowing (and Pointless) Gaming Achievements and The 10 Greatest (And Saddest) Achievements In Gaming.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 4 Video Games That Took Realism Way Too Far, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!
Follow our new Pictofacts Facebook page, and we'll follow you everywhere.
Catch a faceful of funny Thursday, October 19, at The Cracked Stand Up Show hosted by Alex Schmidt and featuring Soren Bowie, Eddie Della Siepe, Joel Samataro, Riley Silverman, and Barbara Gray. Get your tickets here.