The 6 Most Mind-Blowing (and Pointless) Gaming Achievements

We've told you before about the guy who managed to get a perfect score at Pac-Man by playing the same level over 200 times for six hours. You didn't think that was the most extreme example of video game dedication we could find, did you? For you see, real dedication means going past hard mode and thinking way, way outside the box, like ...

#6. Building Mind-Bogglingly Huge Objects Inside Games


Most of you know Minecraft as the last game your friend started playing before he disappeared for a few months. If you're not familiar with it, this incredibly addictive game is basically LEGOs on meth as interpreted by a Nintendo 64: You go out and mine for elements, and then you use those elements to build things. The whole point of the game is to build anything you can think of, so it's not that surprising that people have done exactly that -- like this huge scale model of the Earth:

Via YouTube
We're sure that at least one court is using this as evidence in an insanity plea.

But you had to know that a game built specifically for obsessive people with lots of spare time would quickly top even that -- in complexity, if not size. For instance, there are those who take things into Inception-esque territory and create entire games within the game. We're not talking about building the settings for famous video games using Minecraft blocks (although those also exist, and they are awesome); we're talking about recreating the games themselves. For example, a team of players made a giant old school Game Boy with 18 million blocks and used it to make stop-motion videos of classic games, including The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening and Super Mario Land, brick by goddamned brick, pixel by pixel:


Since they're stop-motion films, that means each individual frame of gameplay was painstakingly recreated. It's so nuts that even Minecraft's creator, Markus "Notch" Persson, thought it was bullshit until the team released a "making of" video, which shows that they didn't just recreate every pixel of Mario Land; since it's a side-scrolling game, they then had to shift every single block to the right, one by one, to make the screen move.

What's even trippier is that other people have created little versions of Minecraft that you can play inside Minecraft. They look like crude versions of the real thing, of course, just like Minecraft itself looks crude to us, and how we probably look crude to the aliens controlling us.

Via Hans Lemurson
Our entire solar system lives within the tip of that torch.

It's not just Minecraft, of course -- any game with a building mechanic attracts this kind of craziness. For instance, the kid-friendly side-scrolling game LittleBigPlanet lets you build your own levels, but players quickly took the idea to crazytown, doing things like building other games and creating extremely complex mechanisms like this giant working calculator. That's right; they took the cartoon blocks and pulleys and levers provided by the game with the intention of letting you build a wacky obstacle course for your character, and instead (with a mere 1,600 parts) built a crude, working computer. You put in a number on each side, add your operation, hit the big red button ... and boom! You get your result.

It can add and subtract, as well as do decimal and binary conversions.

Looks pretty simple, until you see this video of it in action and notice that behind it there are hundreds and hundreds of small parts forming an intricate series of cogs, pulleys and belts, and that if a single one of them were out of place, none of it would work.

The only question it cannot answer is "WHY?"

#5. Killing 30,000 Soldiers With a Knife ... and Beating Skyrim With Your Bare Hands


In a multiplayer game where the arsenal ranges from assault weapons to aerial drones that obliterate a city block, there is one Call of Duty player appropriately named "only use knife" who has, according to the game's creators themselves, 30,000 knife kills in the fourth game alone. He got them by sneaking up to opponents and stabbing them from behind ...

... throwing knives into the sky to hit enemies all the way across the map ...

The knife is that white streak going up into the sky in the middle of the screenshot.

The knife is the thing that just came out of fucking nowhere and dropped that dude in one shot.

... or a combination of both approaches.

Again, keep an eye on the white streak in the middle. Aaaannnd ...

Right in the cock!

But then there is the Skyrim player who decided that he would play through the entire game without touching a weapon at all. Not because he's a pacifist, but simply because he enjoys murdering things with his bare hands. This self-proclaimed "fucking psychopath" Viking not only managed to (literally) beat the game just by punching everything, but he teaches you how to do the same thing in this educative (and extremely NSFW) video.

If you can't watch the video, we'll just sum it up for you: It's basically eight minutes of him punching armed soldiers in the face to get their armor ...

Here he's just playing "got your nose," though.

... punching animals to increase his heavy armor and smithing skills ...

You know what? Do try this at home. And send us the video.

... knocking down giants with his bare fists, then punching them some more on the ground ...

We can't tell if the swordsman is frozen with fear or just silently shitting his pants.

... and so on, until there are no more things left to punch. Apparently there are certain perks that increase by playing Skyrim unarmed, for some reason, so it's just a matter of getting the right type of armor and punching the shit out of anything that crosses your path until your fists turn into invincible killing machines.

Their tears only make you stronger.

We can actually only think of one thing harder than that ...

#4. Reaching the Highest Level in WoW ... Without Killing Anyone

Via Blizzard

We've talked before about the biggest dick moves in online multiplayer games, but we have to admit that being a dick was always a part of those games. It's impossible to make any progress in World of Warcraft, for example, unless you're willing to go around murdering things ... or so we thought. It turns out there's a special breed of "pacifist" players who spit in the face of the gaming gods by playing these games in a way they were never intended to be played: as decent, nonsociopathic people.

Take Noor the Pacifist, a WoW player who refused to take any quests that involved killing other players or characters and still managed to reach level 80, the highest possible level at the time. Granted, it took him two years, but getting that far in WoW without using murder is like winning at Monopoly without using money.

And with a person roughly the size of three chickens.

And Noor isn't the only one: Another WoW player named Everbloom managed to reach level 85 just by walking and collecting crafting materials. She just strolled through the game's map for days upon days, gathering the pitiful experience points you get for exploring and picking flowers until she spontaneously became all-powerful. If you did that in real life, all you'd get is fantastic calves.

Others take the obsession with nonviolence even further, like Nondrick, a player in The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion who decided to turn himself into a non-player character -- you know, those completely unremarkable villagers who stand in the exact same spot every day and only know how to say one phrase. This guy saw them at some point and said "That's what I wanna be when I grow up."

Yep, that looks like a Nondrick.

Following his self-enforced rules, Nondrick had to eat and sleep regularly and do everything possible to stay away from anything resembling an adventure, settling for a quiet, mundane video game life. He's essentially playing The Sims: Dragon Edition. The experience was so rewarding that the same guy later repeated it for The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim with Nondrick's descendant, Nordrick. The craziest part here, of course, is the implication that Nondrick actually reproduced.

Although those sideburns ensure that the bloodline ends here.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here


The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!